Family members

Matthew McConaughey’s mother: I wish you were Woody Harrelson. He always has better pot than you.

Patrick McConaughey: I fucking hate you too, mom. [out the window] Hey babe… don’t you know who I am?

Matthew: You people bring me down.

Backseat of the car I was driving
Austin, Texas

Young mother pushing baby carriage to old woman holding door for her: Oh, thanks. I think about how hard it must be for people in wheelchairs, but I think this is worse, because I always have so much to carry.

Kent, Ohio

Overheard by: elizabetz

A man holding a child’s hand meets up with a woman holding another child’s hand.

Man and woman, simultaneously: I thought he was with you!
Man, turning to go back inside: I told you this would happen if you let them outnumber us.

Outside Bloomingdale’s, 59th Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Kim Siddorn

Grandmother to toddler trying to climb out of shopping cart: If you fall on your head and break your leg, don’t come running to me.

Santee, California

Overheard by: Snickering Cashier

Daughter-in-law cooing over another shopper’s baby: Awww — look at that face!
Mother-in-law: You’ll have one of your own soon.
Daughter-in-law: [Snorts] Talk to your son about that.
Mother-in-law: Well, that’s between the two of you, I think.
Daughter-in-law: You know how I am. If I don’t get what I want, I just go out and get it myself. Remember how I wanted a kitten?

Oxford Valley Mall
Langhorne, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Fellow shopper

Old lady in wheelchair: My first car's name was Chelsea.
Girl, pushing wheelchair: Oh, I have jeans and they are Chelsea, too… Bootcut, though.

Toledo, Ohio

Overheard by: jullylully

Woman to child: Some people are just wicked. Put that pumpkin back.

Aberdeen, Washington

Mother on phone with family member: Look, you're going whether you want to or not. Just tell people it's a malignant.

Gaithersburg, Maryland

Mom, to young child: That’s just more junk. I’m not going to buy you something to write with. How ’bout I get you some candy instead?

Dollar store
Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: it’s not all like this

Mom, as toddler runs into doorway: Look out, Helen Keller!

E Hadley Road

Overheard by: Amanda