Toddler: What are you doing?
Mom: I’m changing your diaper.
Toddler: Now what are you doing?
Mom: I’m wiping you.
Toddler: Where’s my penis?
Mom: It’s right there.
Toddler: Where’s Daddy?
Stop & Shop
New Paltz, New York
Toddler: What are you doing?
Mom: I’m changing your diaper.
Toddler: Now what are you doing?
Mom: I’m wiping you.
Toddler: Where’s my penis?
Mom: It’s right there.
Toddler: Where’s Daddy?
Stop & Shop
New Paltz, New York
Grandma to stranger: Meth is way worse than heroin.
Granddaughter: What?
Grandma: Oh. Ummm, nothing, honey… Nevermind. Aren’t we here to gamble and drink?
Caesars, Indiana
Overheard by: Fatty
Woman on phone: Could you please just act like a human being?… Oh, right, I forgot. You’re a Transformer.
42nd Street
New York, New York
Ditz: I’d really like to pursue my acting and singing career. I think I’m really good at that.
Dad: [Nods]Ditz: But if that doesn’t work out I could always be a marine biologist. But you know? I’d really rather keep working at Target. It smells sooo good.
TGI Friday’s
Frederick, Maryland
Little girl, pointing at Ann Coulter’s Godless: Who’s that lady, daddy?
Dad: She’s some crazy lady who doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
Little girl: She looks like she should be in movies.
Dad: [Shocked silence]Little girl: But not very good movies.
Dad: Ha! That’s my girl.
Auntie’s Bookstore
402 West Main Avenue
Spokane, Washington
Matthew McConaughey’s mother: I wish you were Woody Harrelson. He always has better pot than you.
Patrick McConaughey: I fucking hate you too, mom. [out the window] Hey babe… don’t you know who I am?
Matthew: You people bring me down.
Backseat of the car I was driving
Austin, Texas
Young mother pushing baby carriage to old woman holding door for her: Oh, thanks. I think about how hard it must be for people in wheelchairs, but I think this is worse, because I always have so much to carry.
Kent, Ohio
Overheard by: elizabetz
A man holding a child’s hand meets up with a woman holding another child’s hand.
Man and woman, simultaneously: I thought he was with you!
Man, turning to go back inside: I told you this would happen if you let them outnumber us.
Outside Bloomingdale’s, 59th Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Kim Siddorn
Grandmother to toddler trying to climb out of shopping cart: If you fall on your head and break your leg, don’t come running to me.
Santee, California
Overheard by: Snickering Cashier
Daughter-in-law cooing over another shopper’s baby: Awww — look at that face!
Mother-in-law: You’ll have one of your own soon.
Daughter-in-law: [Snorts] Talk to your son about that.
Mother-in-law: Well, that’s between the two of you, I think.
Daughter-in-law: You know how I am. If I don’t get what I want, I just go out and get it myself. Remember how I wanted a kitten?
Oxford Valley Mall
Langhorne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Fellow shopper
