Patient #1 to family member on Skype: Yeah, they're taking real good care of me. (to nurse) Say hi to my sister.
(nurse leans in to computer screen, waves hello)
Family member on Skype: Is he being a good patient?
Patient #2, on other side of curtain: He's cryin' like a little bitch!
Stony Brook Hospital
Long Island, New York
Employee: So, I know that we don't normally do this, but my father in law is sick and I need to telecommute from here. Is that okay?
Boss on speaker phone: Well, I guess telecommuting is acceptable for this week, but try not to let the situation go on much longer.
Employee to husband after, hanging up the phone: I think he just told me to kill your father.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: I don't know that I have that kind of power!
Trainee: So, can you tell me why your mother can’t walk?
Daughter: Her leg was amputated, and she can’t walk on her prostate.
Home office
Santa Barbara, California
Overheard by: T
Female executive VP on phone son: I'm not giving you money today. I'm not giving it to you. I'm not giving it to you. I'm not giving it to you. (pause) Michael, did you hear what I just said? I'm not giving you any money today. I'm. Not. Giving. You. Any. Money. Today. (pause) I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry. (pause) Yes, I'm serious. I gave you $50 yesterday and I said it had to last you until Friday. You're 21. You're 21. Get a job. (pause) I'm not giving you money today. Okay, bye. (pause) I love you too.
Montclair, New Jersey
Exasperated boss, on phone with son: Oh, let's just leave Jesus out of this, okay?
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Lady Lawyer
Mother to son: Don’t play with that stapler!
Passerby: Happy take your kid to work day.
One Easton Oval
Columbus, Ohio
Mom to son: Once again, she wasn’t stabbing you!
Exiting Doctor’s Office
Campbell, California
Overheard by: Sami
Proud grandmother to coworker: Look, here's the latest picture of my granddaughter! She's four now!
Coworker: She is so cute! I see she still has that unibrow thing going on. Will she have it lasered off?
Proud grandmother: Maybe. But she is growing into it.
Irvine, California
Little girl, pointing to Coneheads DVD: Daddy, what’s wrong with those people?
Dad: Oh, they’re just from France.
Blockbuster, University Village
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: David in Seattle
Woman testing cologne to daughter: Oh, no, if I go home smelling like a man, dad will know what I've been doing.
Roosevelt Field Mall
East Garden City, New York
Overheard by: T-Dizzle
