Eight-year-old girl running up to her mother in line: I’m 13, and you don’t know me!

JC Penney
Eugene, Oregon

Employee accompanied by small child: I smashed it on the ground and then I hit it with a chair, and now it feels like it's on fire. It's not, but it feels that way.
Small child: (inaudible)
Employee: No, I don't think any blood's coming out.

Redmond, Washington

Five-year-old girl, reading book about whales: Hey mom, does a baby whale really come out of a mama whale's butt?
Mom: Hmmm…
Hygienist: Oh my god, did anyone else hear that?

Dentist Office
Augusta, Georgia

Boy #1: Man, why'd you kill me?
Boy #2: No, I didn't kill you, he killed you!

Public Library
Key West, Florida

Overheard by: Chey

Woman: Be still, we have to wait for our turn.
Kid: Why are we here?
Woman: We’re returning a package.
Kid: Why?
Woman: Because I don’t want it.
Kid: What’s in it?
Woman: I don’t know. I think it’s pantyhose.
Kid: You don’t want the pantyhose?
Woman: No, I don’t want the pantyhose.
Kid: Why?
Woman: Because pantyhose are evil.

Post office
Leander, Texas

Overheard by: Faedorah

Mom: Oooh, guess what I got while I was in Atlanta yesterday?
Daughter, faking excitement: Herpes?!
Mom: No, I got– Wait, what?!


Overheard by: P-Nuckle

Employee: Hey! Doesn’t your ma get you anything from the Easter bunny?
Supervisor: It’s been years since I’ve gotten anything.
Employee’s boy: You live with your mom?
Supervisor: So what? So do you!
Employee’s boy: No, I don’t.
Supervisor: Huh?…Oh…Ah, shit.

6101 Wetzel Avenue
Fort Carson, Colorado

Stylist: Do you like your haircut, buddy?
Little boy: [Silence.]Stylist: Do you know who would like your haircut? SpongeBob.
Little boy: … I’m not stupid.

Noblesville, Indiana

Son, pointing to a tip can: Mom, what's that?
Mom: That's where they put all the naughty kids that are bothering the parents.
Son: No they don't!
Mom: It's true, you can ask the lady.
Grocery bagger: Yup, your mom's right.

Kailua, Hawaii

Overheard by: Worker #43

Brother: Is he dead?
Brother’s friend’s brother: I think he’s asleep.
Brother: Hey, you awake?
Brother’s friend’s brother: Hey! Say something.
Brother’s friend: Make me.

Mishawaka, Indiana

Overheard by: