I Think I Saw This Episode of The Simpsons

Guy serving lunch: Do you want meatloaf?
Kid: No, I'm a vegetarian.
Guy serving lunch: Not today, you're not! (slaps a big piece of meatloaf on kid's plate)

23rd Street
New York City, New York

Posted on December 25, 2015
Diet & Weight, Employees, Kids, Meals and Snacks, New York, Offers and requests

For Your Comfort and Safety, Remember That Kids Are Pretty Literal

School social worker, to kindergartner on lap: So what happened right before you ran out of your classroom?
Kindergartner: I’m peeing.
Social worker: What do you mean, you’re peeing?
Kindergartner: I’m peeing.
Social worker: [jumps up, displaying huge wet spot on her pants]Kindergartner: I TOLD you I was peeing.

5130 Roxbury Road
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Fair warning given

Posted on November 24, 2015
Comebacks, Indiana, Kids, Questions, Restroom, Teachers

Not Just Any Juices, Either — Don’t Do What I Did

Girl: Ummm… You need boy juices in order to make a baby.

610 Broadway
Portland, Oregon

Posted on September 7, 2015
Family, Kids, Oregon, Sexuality

…Minimum

Nine-year-old girl in child psychology office, talking a mile a minute: And, mom, the teacher was really upset that we didn't know how long a century is! Yeah, she was really upset cause none of us knew!
Mom: Do you know how long a century is?
Nine-year-old girl: No! I didn't know either! I don't know how long a century is!
Mom, incredulous: You don't know how long a century is?
Nine-year-old girl: No! How long is it?
Mom, without hesitation: Ten years.

Marion, Indiana

Overheard by: Which one of you is seeing the therapist again?

Posted on July 15, 2015
Education, General Idiocy, Indiana, Kids, Parents, Questions

You Got Me Arrested Last Saturday

Young son to dad: I love you, dad. (goes over and gives him a hug)
Dad: I told you to get away from me!

Roosevelt Field Mall
Garden City, New York

Overheard by: Reena

Posted on July 7, 2015
Family, Feelings, Kids, New York, Parents, Weirdness

Try the Anisette Liqueur

Boy to mother: There isn’t any licorice here!

Liquor Store, 1322 West 3rd Avenue
Spokane, Washington

Overheard by: Eric

Posted on July 1, 2015
Kids, Meals and Snacks, Washington

See the Gauloises, the Berets, and the Spacecraft?

Little girl, pointing to Coneheads DVD: Daddy, what’s wrong with those people?
Dad: Oh, they’re just from France.

Blockbuster, University Village
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: David in Seattle

Posted on June 14, 2015
Arts, Education, Family members, General Idiocy, Geography & History, Kids, Washington

Mom's in Human Resources

Seven-year-old daughter on speakerphone: I saw a cute mother-daughter necklace at the store. It said “if daughters were flowers I'd still pick you.” See, mom? I'm like a flower! I smell sweet!
Mother: Yeah, and when you die, I'll throw you away.

Pryor, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Danielle

Posted on June 11, 2015
Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Death, Family, Family members, Kids, Oklahoma, Parents, Sensory Experiences

So Instead I Eat Many Cookies and Cry Myself to Sleep Most Nights…Any Questions?

Worker to coworker's toddler: I want one like you but I have no one to put it in.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: jarvisaurus

Posted on June 8, 2015
Coworkers, Family, Kids, New York, Wishes

Little Nipper Plans to Tuck

Mother: Tell your aunt what you want to be when you grow up.
2-Year-Old son: A plastic surgeon!
Mother: And why is that?
2-Year-Old son: Because Mommy needs work!

Miss Saigon Café
Hurst, Texas

Overheard by: needo

Posted on June 3, 2015
Insults, Kids, Texas