Coworker, after being asked several times if she likes a coworker's new shoes: No, they're ugly like your face.

Missoula, Montana

Boss, giving presentation: Chances are most of you in this room may or may not use this form. (everyone nods)

Helena, Montana

Overheard by: second in command

Travel agent #1: I can’t find the District of Columbia brochures.
Travel agent #2: District of Columbia? Is that in Canada?

Billings, Montana

Overheard by: wow

Coworker #1: Tell me I’m crazy.
Coworker #2: You’re crazy.
Coworker #1: Yeah, Helen* totally caught me checking out Bob* yesterday.
Coworker #2: You’re crazy, ’cause he’s gay…
Coworker #1: So, what? Gays aren’t allowed to look good?

Missoula, Montana

Overheard by: Gaia

Customer: I would like to complain about the woman who works here. She was very rude to me for no reason, even yelling, and then made me leave.
Clerk: Are you the guy who was walking around naked?
Customer: Oh…ah, well… [Leaves quickly]

Porn store
Bozeman, Montana

Sunday school teacher: How’s that new little kitten of yours?
Priest: She’s doing well. We’re taking her over to the vet tomorrow to be spayed.
Child #1: What’s spayed?
Child #2: That’s when they take off her overalls so she can’t have babies.

Joliet, Montana

Older woman: It isn’t good for your metabolism to eat too little.
Younger woman: Yeah, I remember when I was a kid and saw those starving African kids on TV. I said, “They aren’t fat, look at their bellies!” That’s what happens when you don’t eat enough, you get bloated.

1500 University Drive
Billings, Montana

Co-worker #1: Do you want to go to lunch?
Co-worker #2: I’m on a diet.
Co-worker #1: But we’re going to get ice cream afterward.

800 E. 96th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Peon #1, reading spam title out loud: “…all wet and pink…”
Peon #2: Are they talking about a flamingo?

Palmer Street
Missoula, Montana

Coworker #1: So, did you hear that Keith Richards said the N-word in his comedy bit the other day?
Coworker #2: That’s a shame. I thought he was from England.

Missoula, Montana

Overheard by: Ray

Disgruntled boy: … And they put the birth control education flyer up on my locker! My locker! I’m pretty sure that violates–
Overeager Spanish teacher, popping up from behind desk: –Oh! Oh! My mother used to put condoms under my brother’s pillow! We all called her the ‘Birth Control Fairy’!

High school
Livingston, Montana

Overheard by: Finally appreciates the tooth fairy