Out to Lunch

Obese woman on mobility scooter, scowling: Whatever happened to rational soups?

Employee cafeteria
Salisbury, Maryland

Overheard by: minnie stronie

Woman ordering: Guess what I want today!
Sandwich guy: The usual?
Woman ordering, completely seriously: Yeah, except I'm going to change a few things up. Like…the bread and the stuff on it, ya know?

Horsham, Pennsylvania

Coworker to another, during lunch: Would you know a maggot if you saw one?

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Glad they didn't bring anything back for me.

Disgruntled employee at table filled with others: I don't know what's gonna win the race: a heart attack, finding a new job, or getting laid off.

Blue Bell, Pennsylvania

30-something redhead to older male lunch companion: I'm kind of disgusted with my current job in law enforcement. I'm thinking of a career change to either a highly-paid call girl or an assassin.
Older male lunch companion: Well, you're awesome at sex, and you *do* know how to kill people…

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Suit at bistro: There are some things a shoe tree can not fix.

Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: BumbleBree

Male: No, I'm sure it said “buffalo mozzarella.”
Female #1: Well, I know mozzarella is made from cow's milk.
Male: Maybe it's from Buffalo, NY.
Female #1: Is that where mozzarella is from?
Male: Maybe.
Female #2: Is goat cheese made from goats?
Waitress: No, usually from the milk.

Seattle, Washington

Soccer mom: Can I have a medium iced latte? (pause) Wait, how much is a large?
Employee: $2.99.
Soccer mom: And how much is the medium?
Employee: $2.69.
Soccer mom: So which is the better value?
Employee: Huh?
Soccer mom: How many ounces are in the large? How many are in the medium? What's the cost per ounce of each?
Next customer in line: Here's thirty cents, just give her a large.
Soccer mom: I'm not sure if I want a large.
Rest of very long line: Argh!

Dunkin Donuts
Long Island, New York

Overheard by: Heavy D

TV host: I wish they'd separate my penne and my quiche.
TV producer: I know.

West Olympic Blvd
Los Angeles, California

Customer #1: You know what, you could be like my informant!
Customer #2: Oh? And what would my name be?
Customer #1, looking around for an idea: Your name will be “quick and easy”!
Customer #2: Excuse me?
Customer #1: Wait! I didn't mean that!