Vacation

Woman at table with large group: We had so much fun on vacation with the kids.
Man next to her: Wouldn't it have been more fun without the kids?
Woman: What? Why, don't you like kids?
Man: Nah, not really. I've never liked kids. I don't know how pedophiles do it.

Restaurant
Detroit, Michigan

Overheard by: PeterG

Waiter: Did you get laid on vacation?
Busgirl: It was church camp.
Waiter: So “yes” then?
Busgirl (quietly): Yes.

Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Attractive customer specialist #1: So how was your trip to Italy?
Attractive customer specialist #2: Gorgeous! So many hot Italian guys. I’ve got so much more space between my thighs now too!

Waterfront Area
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Planning my next trip

Young guy in office to crowd: Yeah, I spent all of last summer visiting Holland.
Only girl in office: Really? Oh my god, how was the fourth of July over there?
Guy and office: [silence].

18th Street
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Quiet Chuckler

Coworker #1: Yeah, I went to Egypt but I didn’t really like it that much because it was so commercialized.
Coworker #2: I felt the same way about Israel… It was like there were just too many gift shops.
Ex-army coworker: I went to Iraq. It wasn’t commercialized at all.

Schaumburg, Illinois

Overheard by: Emily

Manager: Yes, next week we’ll all be in Mexico.
Woman #1: I hope you are going to relax this vacation.
Manager: I feel if I don’t run around and see everything, I’m wasting the experience.
Woman #2: Let me explain something clearly to you: vacation is sex, food, sleep, more sex, more sex.
Manager: [Stunned.]Woman #2: That’s why you never come back relaxed. Sex, sex, nap, sex. Repeat that.

Garden State Mall
Paramus, New Jersey

Overheard by: Woman #3

Tourist: Do you have any Opera?
Employee: We have The Marriage of Figaro.
Tourist: Hmmm, no. What about Lion King?

TKTS booth, Leicester Square
London
England

Employee #1: Is this Sammy’s* or yours?
Employee #2: I think it’s Sammy’s.
Employee #1: I don’t want to shuffle everything off to him since he’s on vacation.
Employee #2: No, he’s not here… let’s screw him!

1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: DB

Peon: I wanted to show you this order. I think someone dropped the ball.
Sales associate: Let’s see whose order it is…Oh, it’s Ryan’s*. And he’s out this week.
Peon: Uh-oh.
Sales associate: See what happens when you go on vacation? Your balls get dropped!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Male co-worker: I don’t understand why taking your baby on your lap in an airplane is such a bad idea.
Female co-worker: Dude, what if you crash? That can’t be safe.
Male co-worker: You’re right, I guess. Babies probably don’t make great flotation devices.

590 North Shore Drive
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: Ashley