Boss: Where have you been the past week?
Agent: I went fishing with friends.
Boss: Why?
Agent: I love fishing with friends, and I took a vacation.
Boss: Listen, I love fucking and drinking, but you don't see me taking a week off to do that.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Nicole
Woman in line: I want to go somewhere foreign this summer. How about Guam?
Cashier: Actually, Guam is part of the United States.
Woman in line: Ugh, these things change so often. We must have gotten it, like, a year ago, right?
Cashier: Actually, we've owned Guam since the 1800s. It sends a non-voting member to Congress, but they have no elector, so they don't matter for presidential elections.
Woman in line: Oh, thank god.
Rite Aid
Doylestown, Pennsylvania
Woman at table with large group: We had so much fun on vacation with the kids.
Man next to her: Wouldn't it have been more fun without the kids?
Woman: What? Why, don't you like kids?
Man: Nah, not really. I've never liked kids. I don't know how pedophiles do it.
Restaurant
Detroit, Michigan
Overheard by: PeterG
Waiter: Did you get laid on vacation?
Busgirl: It was church camp.
Waiter: So “yes” then?
Busgirl (quietly): Yes.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Attractive customer specialist #1: So how was your trip to Italy?
Attractive customer specialist #2: Gorgeous! So many hot Italian guys. I’ve got so much more space between my thighs now too!
Waterfront Area
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Planning my next trip
Young guy in office to crowd: Yeah, I spent all of last summer visiting Holland.
Only girl in office: Really? Oh my god, how was the fourth of July over there?
Guy and office: [silence].
18th Street
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Quiet Chuckler
Coworker #1: Yeah, I went to Egypt but I didn’t really like it that much because it was so commercialized.
Coworker #2: I felt the same way about Israel… It was like there were just too many gift shops.
Ex-army coworker: I went to Iraq. It wasn’t commercialized at all.
Schaumburg, Illinois
Overheard by: Emily
Manager: Yes, next week we’ll all be in Mexico.
Woman #1: I hope you are going to relax this vacation.
Manager: I feel if I don’t run around and see everything, I’m wasting the experience.
Woman #2: Let me explain something clearly to you: vacation is sex, food, sleep, more sex, more sex.
Manager: [Stunned.]Woman #2: That’s why you never come back relaxed. Sex, sex, nap, sex. Repeat that.
Garden State Mall
Paramus, New Jersey
Overheard by: Woman #3
Tourist: Do you have any Opera?
Employee: We have The Marriage of Figaro.
Tourist: Hmmm, no. What about Lion King?
TKTS booth, Leicester Square
London
England
Employee #1: Is this Sammy’s* or yours?
Employee #2: I think it’s Sammy’s.
Employee #1: I don’t want to shuffle everything off to him since he’s on vacation.
Employee #2: No, he’s not here… let’s screw him!
1400 Douglas Street
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: DB
