Anger management

Admin: You know that guy upstairs? Dan*? He pinched me with a pair of tweezers on that fatty bit you get on your hips and it *really hurt*. So I went back and burned him with a spoon.


Blonde female manager, about dried hydrangeas: I wish I had nice ones like that. I'm still so mad that my husband trimmed my bush!

Ann Arbor, Michigan

Spikey-haired waiter: I'll be right back with your check.
Cranky old man: I hope all his hair falls out!
Wife: Calm down!
Cranky old man: It's a fad!
(spikey-haired waiter brings check)
Cranky old man: Oh! Mints!

Kalamazoo, Michigan

Trainee: This customer is mad because we won't cover an accident that happened before he was insured with us. He won't stop yelling!
Trainer: Ha! He's gonna have to suck eggs on that one! Sucks for him. But seriously, go through the facts and dates with him and explain why we won't cover it. Stay calm and apologize. You can do this!
Trainee, to customer: Thank you for holding. This… uh… Okay. My manager says you have to suck eggs, I'm sorry.

Riverview Parkway, San Diego

CSR on phone: Please sir, stop yelling at me. (pause) You do not need to swear at me. (pause) You call me that one more time and I'm going to hang up. (pause) Yeah, I'm still here. (pause, then hangs up) The best part was he told me to die.

Phildelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: headsethottie

Cube dweller: You sonofabitch, you’re getting a goddamn manicure! If you don’t, I’m going to rip your goddamn nails off, because you don’t deserve them!

Office, Soho
New York, New York

Overheard by: Nervous Co-worker

Employee stocking makeup shelves to another: Yeah… They come here and ask me something and I'm like “that's in groceries,” and they say, “well, where are groceries?” and that's why I just hate customers. (notices customer, who has been standing there the entire time) Oh, hi! Can I help you with anything?

Conley Drive
Columbia, Missouri

Office genius: I don't always know what I'm talking about. I often don't know what I'm talking about. But it pisses me off when I do know what I'm talking about and people don't believe me.

Plainsboro, New Jersey

Coworker: On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

Houston, Texas

Drone #1: Every time Tina* leaves her office, I pop in there and rat out a fart.
Drone #2: Dude!
Drone #1: When she made me work the weekend, I pissed in all her plants and wiped my ass on her mouse pad.

Circle Center Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu