Southeast

3PM Logging In

Sales guy: Sooo, how do I get on our intranet again?
His assistant: We put this on your Favorites list, remember? We’ve done this before.
Sales guy: No.. no.. I’m not seeing it.
Assistant: Yes, the very first time I showed you how to log in, I had you add it to your Favorites first.
Sales guy: I don’t know, but I know I’m not seeing it.
Assistant: Hmm, I can’t remember if it was under a subfolder or not.
Sales guy: What are you talking about?

Pause

Assistant: Okay, let’s start from the beginning… Open up your Internet Explorer….
Sales guy: Okay… done…
Assistant: Now click on Favorites….
Sales guy: Oooh. Is it called [Company Inc]-home?
Assistant: Mmm hmm. That would be it.
Cubicle neighbor: Is this the same voice you use to explain things to your daughter?

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

4PM Smoke Break

Soldier #3 has a glass eye. It is out of his head and lying on the desk.

Soldier #1: Hey [John], let’s go have a smoke.
Soldier #2: Alright. [Places cigarette in mouth and walks toward door.] Soldier #3: Hey dumbass, you’re inside! Get that fuckin’ cigarette out of your mouth!
Soldier #2: Hey Blackbeard, get a fuckin’ eye in your head!

Building 2411-B
Fort Eustis, Virginia

Overheard by: SGT Grier

1PM Soliciting Feedback

Sales girl: Sooo [Alice], I hear you are having butt trauma today.
[Alice] the assistant: Yeah, I don’t know what is wrong, but it just hurts. Down in my butt crack. It just hurts.
Sales guy: Huh? What’s going on?
[Alice]: Shut up, you’ve seen it already!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

1PM Dessert

Boss: Never put two cranky diabetics in the same room together. All you’ll get is ‘”fuck this,” “shit this,” and “blood sugar that!”

1200 Sovereign Row
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: shaun

5PM That’s a Wrap

Coworker: I love that movie Dazed and Confused! It’s one of those that you don’t have to be smart to enjoy.

1200 Sovereign Row
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Jayce

11AM Error Message

Boss: I am sending emails like a wildman, I just can’t get them.
Assistant: Maybe your email box is full. Wait, no, you delete everything
Boss: Well, it could be full. I have 1,100 emails.
Assistant: Gah!
Boss: I’m not getting anything but this error message
Assistant: Wait, you’re getting an error message? That could be helpful; what does it say?
Boss: It just says “error”
Assistant: This is going to be a long day, huh?

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

I Still Prefer It to "Fuck You!"

Off-duty employee: Don’t you just hate when you’re working and you say, "Have a nice day" and you don’t mean it, and the person knows you don’t mean it, but you have to say it anyway?
Cashier: Yeah, totally.
Cashier to customer: Thanks! Have a nice day!

Big-Box Store
Harrisonburg, Virginia

3PM Smoke Break

Jr. Developer: What we need is an alien invasion.
Deveveloper #11: We have one. Mexicans.
Jr. Developer: [sigh] What we need is an extraterrestrial alien invasion.
Developer #2: Boy, you sure have it out for the aliens.
Developer #1: I can’t help it. I’m a xenophobe.
Jr. Developer: The whole world is xenophobic. We need the extraterrestrial invasion in order to unite the globe and to make us stop fighting amongst ourselves.
Developer #1: Until after they left.
Jr. Developer: No, because they came from space, there could always be more of them. As paranoid humans, we have to hunt them down and exterminate them all in order to protect ourselves.

Pause

Jr. Developer: Besides, they might have oil.

501 Corporate Centre Drive
Franklin, Tennessee

Overheard by: Brian

10AM Customer Care

Clerk looking through a tire catalog: Do you know which tire it is?
Customer: Yeah, the back right.
Clerk: No…
Awkward silence
Customer: Oh….no.

30983 Hwy 441 South
Commerce, Georgia

Overheard by: R. Segraves

All that Remains Since We Can No Longer Surf for Porn on the Job

Employee to boss: Hey I know it’s the end of the day on Friday, but I’m really bored, do you have anything for me to do?
Boss: Oh! Here have some bubblewrap!

137 4th Ave
Edmonton Alabama

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