Male employee #1: I am going out on a date tonight with a 4'11″ Filipina. She runs triathlons.
Male employee #2: That's short. You know, her head will be at about your stomach.
Male employee #1, after long pause: I kind of want her to break me.

Sacramento, California

Male cubicle dweller to another: Good Lord, we have a crackhead in the NASCAR!

Battle Creek, Michigan

Geek: I hate to break it to you, but surfers don’t wear coats.

William Street
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Misanthropic Scott

Boss to intern: The gym is a great place for networking. You tend to have a bit more pull with your colleagues when you see them naked in the locker room every morning.

Bellingham, Washington

Female coworker #1: By that time I was drunk enough to run in there myself. So I bought one of 'em. It was like a regular condom, but it had these little pink things…
Female coworker #2: You bought a french tickler?
Female coworker #1: Yeah! So we blew it up at our table and started using it as a volleyball. It was really fun for a while, and then I spiked it into the priest's head and we were asked to leave the reception.

Albany, New York

Overheard by: Doubled over Coworker

Male colleague to another, discussing fantasy football: You cannot make me happy unless you release all of your Johnsons.

Wilmington, Massachusetts

Library patron: It's not fucking inappropriate, it's fucking basketball!

Plymouth, New Hampshire

Guy with loafers but no socks on cell: Hi son, it's me. Am I going to see you at the club tonight, or are you staying home? Oh, okay. So did you switch your class schedule? So now you're taking gym instead of business law? Terrific! That's great. Okay, see you soon. Bye.

New Haven, Connecticut

Overheard by: who calls their son

Coworker #1, looking at whitewater rafting photos that coworker #2 is in: Those are really good pictures, did you take them?
Coworker #2: Uh, no, I'm in the raft, so that would be kinda difficult.

Beverly Hills, California

Office man: Obama even went down there to convince them that Chicago was the place for the 2016 Olympics.
Office lady: The International Olympic Committee just blasted their load in Obama's face, and I love it!

Baltimore, Maryland