California

Co-worker: Let me grab that package later since, right now, I’m double-fisting.

11400 W. Olympic Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: lonecomic

Co-worker #1: How do I make this print faster?
Co-worker #2: Put water on it.

10960 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Selaf Nek

Boss: I don't know if it's because she was black, and I'm not used to hiring black people, but I just didn't get a good feeling from her.
Sales guy: Yeah, plus, her eyes were kind of red.
Boss: A black alcoholic. That's just what we need.

Los Angeles, California

Boss to assistant wearing turquoise earrings: Oh, wow, it's like cinco de mayo!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: What do you even say to that

Female coworker, after cutting in line to get her lunch: What happened to “ladies first”?
Male coworker: The womens' rights movement.

Potrero Hill
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: amanda

Salesgirl, answering the phone: Hey, it's for you.
Coworker: Who is it?
Salesgirl: Um…he said he was “naked”
Coworker: Oh, that's my husband!

Department Store
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Odd Name

Male employee #1: I am going out on a date tonight with a 4'11″ Filipina. She runs triathlons.
Male employee #2: That's short. You know, her head will be at about your stomach.
Male employee #1, after long pause: I kind of want her to break me.

Sacramento, California

Intern: So do any celebrities subscribe to our magazine?
Circulation guru: Actually, James Caan and Shirley MacLaine are longtime subscribers. Even Dennis Hopper got our mag for awhile.
Intern (sighing): I mean like real celebrities. You know: Tila Tequila or Zac Efron…

Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: ugh.

Auditor: Well, of course I'd rather pray to a waving kitten instead of a guy nailed on a cross. But it's blasphemous.

Watsonville, California

Overheard by: Calling HR Now

Coworker on phone to husband: We have to start hiding that camera from her. Yeah, yeah… You want me to beat her? Honey, I’m kidding! I’m just kidding! You know I never beat the kids.

14750 Miller Avenue
Fontana, California

Overheard by: Sara