Male coworker wearing striped shirt: Hey, nice shirt — we match!
Female coworker: Oh, yeah, we do.
Male coworker: We could do a dance or something. We already have matching costumes.
Female coworker: Or we could strip!
Male coworker: [Laughs nervously and walks away.]
Massachusetts
Receptionist: Thank you for calling ABC Company*. How may I assist you?
Caller: Is Bob*, Tom*, or Larry* available?
Receptionist: Yes, sir, all three are available. Do you have a preference?
Caller: Sexual?
Receptionist: [Long, awkward silence.] No, sir, I meant do you have a preference for who you’d like to speak to?
Caller: Um… Just pick whoever’s cutest and makes more money.
Receptionist: Ummm… Okay… It’s a pleasure to connect you…
16th Street and L Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: I can’t believe I work here…
Lady: Hey, Derek*, will you let me paint your toenails?
Man: Will you give me a blowjob?
Lady: … Sure.
Man: Do the blowjob first.
3301 North Mulford Road
Rockford, Illinois
Overheard by: what office is this?
Coworker in middle of parking lot, screaming into cell: You can admit to having your dick in my ass, but you can’t admit to that bitch you love me?! You bastard!
Alpharetta, Georgia
Peon: Wow! I wouldn’t sit on that even if its mouth was taped shut.
9070 Junction Drive
Annapolis Junction, Maryland
Boss to another: Do not look up Care Bear porn!
1440 South Clearview Avenue
Mesa, Arizona
Male worker on way to LGBT conference: I can’t believe we have to go learn about butch dykes — I think I know a lesbo when I see one.
Female worker: You should be careful what you say around here.
Male worker: Don’t get mad at me just because you’ve had a raspberry mustache one too many times.
Female worker: excuse me?
Male worker: Don’t lie — I know you’ve been down river when the dam broke.
Female worker: Uh…
52 South Main Street
Fall River, Massachusetts
Overheard by: bobby
Over-zealous professor talking about tribal genital mutilation: … So the viewers experienced more stress when they watched the people getting their genitals whacked off! They got whacked off!
University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona
Supervisor: It’s too bad our schedules are getting so full. It used to be that whenever someone needed to get off, someone else could put out for them.
666 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: The happy new guy in the office
Hung-over guy on cell: I’m telling you, I didn’t rape her! She said we could have sex, right before she passed out.
On way to class
Virginia
Overheard by: I wanted to follow him and keep listening
