Parents

As All Brooklyn Welfare Mothers Know, Nails Are More Important than Parenting

Ghetto woman: I’m only here because I got a gift certificate. I hate Manhattan. I never come here. I can’t stand it. Everyone is just so rude. All the time. So rude. I would never be able to keep my mouth shut to some of these people.
Nail technician: Where do you work?
Ghetto woman: Over here, at sixth and 23rd. I hate it though. That’s why I live out in the county.
Nail technician: Oh! Where do you live?
Ghetto woman: Brooklyn. Tommy! Sit still in that chair for godsakes!!

14th St & 6th Ave
New York City

Overheard by: seriously?

Barbara Bush Still Has a Few Illusions About Her Son

Mom: So, my son had a party while I was away, but at least he cleaned up the blood before I got home.
Friend: Wait… what?

Career Center
Augusta, Maine

Overheard by: Unemployed and unemployable

Note to Self: Start Packing Billy a Lunch.

Father to son about to eat crayons: No, no, no! Crayons aren't for eating!
Four-year-old boy: But I eat them at school!

Everett, Washington

Overheard by: Hopes their food comes up soon

Boys and Girls Are Just Wired Differently, Sweetie

Dad: So, I need a male audio cable and a video cable with two female connections on each end.
Eight-year-old: Daddy…I thought males and females were like boys and girls. I'm confused.
Dad: Um…don't worry about it.

RadioShack
California

Overheard by: SK

Which Is to Say It’s Like the Subway

Father, trying to get his teenage daughter excited about reading The Odyssey: It’s like a horror movie… for really, really old people.

Public Library
Anchorage, Alaska

Overheard by: not-so-old but I still like The Odyssey

…Minimum

Nine-year-old girl in child psychology office, talking a mile a minute: And, mom, the teacher was really upset that we didn't know how long a century is! Yeah, she was really upset cause none of us knew!
Mom: Do you know how long a century is?
Nine-year-old girl: No! I didn't know either! I don't know how long a century is!
Mom, incredulous: You don't know how long a century is?
Nine-year-old girl: No! How long is it?
Mom, without hesitation: Ten years.

Marion, Indiana

Overheard by: Which one of you is seeing the therapist again?

You Got Me Arrested Last Saturday

Young son to dad: I love you, dad. (goes over and gives him a hug)
Dad: I told you to get away from me!

Roosevelt Field Mall
Garden City, New York

Overheard by: Reena

Honesty and Parenting Are Mutually Exclusive

Mom to little kid: I told you not to go in the road.
Dad: Yeah, you get hit by a car, you gon’ be in there with mama on a bed. [Kid stares.] You get hit by a car, you gon’ have to get X-rays. You want X-rays? X-rays hurt.

Doctor’s office, 35th Street and Redwood Road
Salt Lake City, Utah

Overheard by: JChan

Mom's in Human Resources

Seven-year-old daughter on speakerphone: I saw a cute mother-daughter necklace at the store. It said “if daughters were flowers I'd still pick you.” See, mom? I'm like a flower! I smell sweet!
Mother: Yeah, and when you die, I'll throw you away.

Pryor, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Danielle

He Just Found Out That Phone Calls Are Social Intercourse

Teen daughter: Daddy, Daddy, the pink Razr is on sale. Will you buy it for me now? You promised!
Father: No, I don’t need you to get pregnant. Now let’s go!

4350 Joslyn Road
Auburn Hills, Michigan

Overheard by: rahneej

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