Nurse to another: Usually, a parent has lots of children, and they touch all their children and wait for them to go away.
Bellevue, Washington
Nurse to another: Usually, a parent has lots of children, and they touch all their children and wait for them to go away.
Bellevue, Washington
Nurse: How much do you weigh these days?
Patient: A hundred twenty-one pounds.
Nurse: And the scale you are using is accurate?
Doctor’s office
Connecticut
Nurse to paramedic pushing stretcher and IV pole: Would you like me to guide your pole?
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: Deena
Nurse #1: And I don’t know. I just started having this anxiety attack.
Nurse #2: Well, on the bright side, I just made a Klan hood for my finger.
Royal Oak, Michigan
Receptionist: I have great news!
Nurse: What?
Receptionist: I got accepted into grad school! But I’m scared.
Nurse: Why?
Receptionist: I haven’t been in school in a long time.
Nurse: You’ll be fine — it’s like falling off a duck’s back.
1917 20th Street South
Birmingham, Alabama
Overheard by: Eavesdropping grad student
Psychiatric nurse, to rest of treatment team, about patient who almost choked: You know Mark*, he sees a big piece of meat, he just puts the whole thing in his mouth.
Catawba, Virginia
Nurse: She’s been so much better today. Chatty. She still walks around like this [puts chin to chest], but she came up to me and was like, "How are you today?" I said, "Huh? Oh, I’m fine!" Maybe it’s the Celexa.
Psychiatrist: Actually we’re weaning her off the Celexa. We started her on Effexor.
Nurse: Oh, well, maybe that’s it.
Psychiatrist: She’s only been on it one day. That wouldn’t really be long enough.
Nurse: No, that’s not… Celexa… I think I was taking that when I got into a fight at the airport. You know those guys with the M-16s? Well, I told this one bitch I was gonna jump over the counter and take her out.
Girl: That was Celexa?
Nurse, smiling: Yeah.
Oregon State Hospital
Salem, Oregon
Hobo: You can’t make me stay here! Fuck you! I’m leaving!
White nurse: Get out, then! Leave!
Hobo, to black nurse: How you doin’, chocolate thunder?
White nurse, laughing: That’s totally your porn name.
27th Street and 1st Avenue
New York, New York
Nurse: I hate you, you're so skinny.
Patient: I have Crohn's disease.
Toronto
Canadia
Overheard by: another patient
