Religious folk

Nurse: The patient in Room 39* requested a visit from a Mormon priest.
Chaplain: Really? I’ll have to call one, give me a moment. [Opens notebook] Ah, here we go. [Dials phone, waits] Hi, this is Chaplain Smith* at the hospital. I’m calling about a patient who would like a visit from a Mormon clergy-person. I haven’t visited with the patient, so I don’t know if he is a member of your congregation, but he did specifically request a visit from a Mormon. Feel free to call me back at 555-3418* when you get this message. Thanks. [Hangs up] Well, I left a message on their voicemail. I wonder if the Jehovah’s Witnesses check their messages often.
Nurse: Jehovah’s Witnesses…?
Chaplain: Oh, shit! I called the wrong church!

10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Overheard by: another witness

Office Mormon to guy drinking beer at dinner: Dude, you're so drunk.
Drinker: I don't tell you what it's like to be Mormon, so you don't tell me what it's like to be drunk.

Honolulu, Hawaii

New-Age employee: Yeah, my granddaughter is an Indigo Child. She can talk to the dead. But, if you ask me, her parents really aren’t doing enough with her talent.

1712 Spring Garden Street
Greensboro, North Carolina

Overheard by: Atheist cashier in the wrong line of work

Catholic seminary library employee: Are you going to interview Jane's friend for the position?
Catholic seminary library supervisor: No, I decided she wasn't qualified enough.
Catholic seminary library employee: That's a relief.
Catholic seminary library supervisor, surprised: Why do you say that? Don't you like her?
Catholic seminary library employee: It's just that… Have you ever overheard any of their phone conversations?
Catholic seminary library supervisor: No.
Catholic seminary library employee: It's like they're in a competition over who has the most intense visions of the blessed Virgin Mary. We already get enough of that shit.


Overheard by: bless me for I have sinned

Front office lady #1: “Abraham begot Isaac.” What does that mean?
Front office lady #2: It means Abraham is Isaac’s father -he had Isaac. It’s like “Adam knew Eve.” That means Adam banged her.
Front office lady #1: I don’t think you can say that.

Medical Office
Lincoln, Nebraska

Priest to another, in hospital hall: I'll be right there, I've got to go into the little boys room first…

Tulsa, Oklahoma

Overheard by: Cornfused

New supervisor, straight from the military: It’s my job to protect you from the people above me.
26-year veteran of the agency: I’ve got Jesus and a man. I don’t need any more protection than that.

Federal Office Building
Washington DC

Overheard by: Wasting my best years

Innocent Mormon: Hey, does anyone want to lick this?
Rest of coworkers, giggling: Ummmm… No.
Innocent Mormon: I want someone else to lick it, I hate licking it myself.
Helpful coworker: Just go get your finger wet and rub it on there.

South Salt Lake City, Utah

Jewish boss: By the time we’re done, we will convert you.
Catholic assistant: Ummm, Jesus is the Messiah. Goodbye.

Toronto, Ontario

Overheard by: intern

Sales rep: The one thing I did not understand about that movie The Passion of The Christ is, if Christ came back from the dead… How did he die the second time?
Catholic manager: Ever hear of the Nicene creed?
Sales rep: No.
Catholic manager, sighing: Congestive heart failure.

Sunbury, Pennsylvania