Health & Hygiene

Dumbest: He said he had a stomach ache so I gave him some Aflac–you know, rolodex?
Less Dumb: Antacids? Rolaids?

7th and Congress
Austin, Texas

Patient: Do you offer any discounts if this is my second surgery?
Receptionist: Sure, we can throw in a free appendectomy or colonoscopy… Your choice.

Orange Avenue
Orlando, Florida

Attorney #1: You know David*, the blind prosecutor downtown?
Attorney #2: He’s the one who always gets the young, hot assistants, right?
Attorney #3: I don’t care what anyone says, that son of a bitch can see.

300 West Main Street
Louisville, Kentucky

Receptionist on phone: My body always tells me when it's time for a piece of beef.

Fairchild Court
Plainview, New York

Coworker: Hey, I have a question.
Female coworker: Hold on a sec, I'm trimming my balls.

Fort Worth, Texas

Overheard by: Sarah

Intern #1: Ew, skin falls off!
Intern #2: Leprosy's no joke, you guys.

Fashion Magazine
Manhattan, New York

Visiting client, waiting for elevator: You're right. Putting shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle *is* more economical.
(jittery laughter)
Manager: It just makes sense, you know? Why have two when you can have just one?
Coworker, after client and manager get in elevator: That was the worst example of small talk I have ever heard.

Chicago, Illinois

Attorney: This work shit has got to stop. It’s really bringing me down.

301 Merritt Seven
Norwalk, Connecticut

Co-worker #1: What is a good exercise for the lower abs?
Co-worker #2: Well, I can think of one exercise that’s really good for the abs…
Co-worker #3: yeah, but only if he can last longer than 5 minutes.

The copy repairman pops out from under the copier.

Repairman: Well ladies, it’s been an entertaining afternoon.

8565 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway
Portland, Oregon

Patient: Where’s the bathroom?
Receptionist: On your way out, you can just go in that corner.

Dentist’s Office
Ottawa, Ontario

Overheard by: Avoiding the corner