Employee: You know my friend didn’t die the other day when they, uh, disconnected her.
Manager: Oh no?
Employee: But she’s dying right now. It took forty-eight hours. I wonder if she’s hungry.
365 West Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
Blood drive participant: My blood is faster than your blood!
1924 Alcoa Highway
Knoxville, Tennessee
Boss: How are your parents?
Worker #1: Fine, thanks for asking.
Worker #2: My parents are fine, too, thanks for asking!
Boss: I’m happy to hear that. When both of my parents were in the hospital at the same time, it was really hard on our whole family.
28th Street & 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Nurse #1: Do you think it’s okay to eat this? It was in there with the specimen bag.
Nurse #2: Oh yeah, it’s fine.
Hospital
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: jessie spano
Local public radio reporter: Nurse Smith* is reponsible for the health of over 2,000 students in the school district, but she seems to know many of them individually and calls them by name as she passes them in the hallway.
School nurse, to kids: Hey, guys.
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Manager: You know, people a long time ago, people like Jesus, they weren’t fat.
2904 Rodeo Park Drive East
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Overheard by: in the office next door
General manager: Feeling better today?
Waitress, laughing: Oh, yes!
General manager: Why are you laughing?
Waitress: Oh, it’s nothing.
General manager: No, tell me!
Waitress: I can’t!
General manager: Is it girl stuff?
Waitress: No.
General manager: Well, then tell me!
Waitress: Ok. I’m feeling better because I got really fucking stoned last night.
General manager: Dopehead.
Beaumont, Texas
Irate tenant on voicemail: I came home today, and someone was in my apartment…vacuuming…I feel so violated.
3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Employee #1: Dave*, you’re what, 27? You’re too young to get married. You need to wait until you’re 35 and then marry a 23 year old. Birthing is just “bam! bam! bam!”– brutal on them. So you need to marry young.
Employee #2: So I need to work here for 8 years and marry a girl who is just graduating from here?
Employee #3: Start looking, man. She’s in high school now.
Employee #2: She’d be what, 15? Hey, Jim*, how old are your daughters?
Employee #1: 13 and 15…Shut up!
3800 Victory Parkway
Cincinnati, Ohio
Young lady: Are there nuts in the apple walnut salad?
Dining companion, sarcastically: No, it’s a new type of apple.
Young lady: Good, because I’m allergic to nuts, and I really want that salad.
Waiter: Do you want the half salad or the whole?
858 Tittabawassee Road
Saginaw, Michigan
Overheard by: Herodotus420
