Health & Hygiene

Admin #1: I would really like to take a solid shit one of these days.
Admin #2: Mud butt?
Admin #1: Total.
Admin #2: Hmmmm.
Admin #2: More fiber is needed.
Admin #1: What has a lot of fiber in it?
Admin #2: I don't know…let me look.

Richfield, Minnesota

Woman: If I was in the army and was sent to war, you’d better believe
that I’d get pregnant as fast as I could so they would send me home.

475 Buckhead Avenue
Atlanta, Georgia

Very tan woman: I’m going to pass out at this charity event. I don’t know where my lunch went.
Annoyed woman: What did you eat?
Very tan woman: A Cadbury’s creme egg and two sugar cookies.

1 New York Plaza
New York, NY

Overheard by: Preetham Mallikaruna

Girl: Can you keep this desk clean?
Guy: What? The desk is clean. Stop hating!
Girl: Hey, hey, don’t say that, I’m not a cock-blocker. I don’t cock-block.
Guy: What the fuck does that have to do with my desk?

350 South Figueroa
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Sexual tension in the workplace?

Coworker on phone: I don't want to know, dude. It's like if the condom broke with a skank… I really don't want to think about the pregnancy, or if she has the herpes, until she gets a tummy or I get a cold sore.

Boca Raton, Florida

Pharmacist: Okay, that prescription will be filled in 45 minutes.
Old man: Oh my, I'll be dead by then!

Santa Barbara, California

65-something delivery man to 30-something female receptionist, as she bends over to lift printer:
Oh, wait, let me do that. I don't want you to hurt your ovaries.

Denver, Colorado

Teen girl, holding a bag with a dead bird inside: My grandfather called earlier about getting this bird checked for West Nile virus. He found it in his yard.
Office clerk: Ok, I remember talking to him this morning. I need to get some information from you first. Now, what was his name?

The girl’s eyes get big, and she looks at the bag.

Office clerk: No, not the bird’s name. I need to know your grandfather’s name.

616 Court Street
Oberlin, Louisiana

Overheard by: Vicky

Office lady: How can you drink that much Red Bull?
Computer nerd: I don’t know, you build up a tolerance.
Office lady: If I drank that much I’d be whacking off the walls.
Computer nerd: Umm, you’d do what?

117th St
Broomfield, Colorado

Overheard by: The other nerd

Employee, singing on the way down the hall: I need to change my tammmmmponnnnn

Coalinga, California