Female employee: Are you limping?
Male employee: Yeah, I tore my ass muscle again.
Female admin: Just stop right there, I don’t want to hear anymore.
84 Newbury Street
Peabody, Massachusetts
Female employee: Are you limping?
Male employee: Yeah, I tore my ass muscle again.
Female admin: Just stop right there, I don’t want to hear anymore.
84 Newbury Street
Peabody, Massachusetts
Coworker: I swear, I keep falling asleep at my desk…I think I have epilepsy.
7945 Haven Ave
Rancho Cucamonga, California
Female coworker: I’m so tired of being alone but it’s impossible to meet any available men here. I should have taken John* up on his offer.
Male coworker: Who?
Female coworker: You know, John Smith*. The guy who was here about eight years ago and got booted, then came back a few years later, then got booted again a couple of years ago.
Male coworker: Oh he’s been booted more times than that! What are you talking about?
Female coworker: Didn’t I tell you? He came back last fall trying to get reinstated and stopped by to see me. He said he’d been thinking about me. He wanted to know if I was interested in getting together but I didn’t want to get into that so I lied and said I was seeing someone. Now I wonder why I did that.
Male coworker: Maybe because he’s a bipolar bisexual alcoholic?
Female coworker: There is that…But I bet he wouldn’t have bored me.
Small town, Washington
Overheard by: i’m lonely too – but not that lonely
Coworker #1: Well one time, I was eating here, and I found a piece of metal in my mouth! You know, a long thin piece. But bunched up. I chewed on it and it like exploded in my mouth. In my mouth! Can you believe it? It was all twisted or something. Coiled. Oh yeah. It was a spring! A spring! Anyway, I chewed on it and it like boinged in my mouth. Wait, wait, wait. Can you believe it? Boing, boing, boing! So I spit it out and look at it and think, ‘What the hell is this and what is it doing in my food?’ But really, can you believe it? Boinging all over the place!
Coworker #2: Ok. Enough already. You’re making me sick. It’s like having lunch with Roseanne Roseannadanna. Next you’ll be telling me about the time you found a toenail in your cheeseburger.
Coworker #1: Oh yeah. Wouldn’t that be great? Lunch with Roseanne. But she’s dead, you know. Cancer.
Coworker #2: Gilda Radner died of cancer.
Coworker #1: Who? Why are you always changing the subject?
Coworker #2: I’m eating at my desk.
1500 University Avenue
Madison University Hospital & Clinics Cafeteria
Madison, Wisconsin
Overheard by: Just lost my appetite
Boss: So did you work things out?
Intern: Yeah, I talked to him when I dropped the tumor off.
Martin Street
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: sleeping with my eyes open
Mother: What are you going to have?
Daughter: Chicken nuggets and a Dr Pepper.
Mother: I’m not getting you a Dr Pepper. It’s not good for you.
Daughter: Fine. I’ll have a Coke.
Mother: That’s better.
McDonald’s
Tennessee
Employee: You know my friend didn’t die the other day when they, uh, disconnected her.
Manager: Oh no?
Employee: But she’s dying right now. It took forty-eight hours. I wonder if she’s hungry.
365 West Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
Blood drive participant: My blood is faster than your blood!
1924 Alcoa Highway
Knoxville, Tennessee
Boss: How are your parents?
Worker #1: Fine, thanks for asking.
Worker #2: My parents are fine, too, thanks for asking!
Boss: I’m happy to hear that. When both of my parents were in the hospital at the same time, it was really hard on our whole family.
28th Street & 6th Avenue
New York, New York
Nurse #1: Do you think it’s okay to eat this? It was in there with the specimen bag.
Nurse #2: Oh yeah, it’s fine.
Hospital
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: jessie spano
