Peon: Wow! I wouldn’t sit on that even if its mouth was taped shut.
9070 Junction Drive
Annapolis Junction, Maryland
Peon: Wow! I wouldn’t sit on that even if its mouth was taped shut.
9070 Junction Drive
Annapolis Junction, Maryland
Coworker: Huh? Dude, I can’t hear you, you have your headphones in.
Cambridge, Maryland
Overheard by: Why oh why…?
Student: I can’t get this essay to say what I want it to say, and you aren’t helping me!
Tutor: Well, what do you want to say, exactly?
Student: That you’re an idiot who isn’t helping me!
Tutor: So write that.
Student: … Are you serious?
Tutor: Sure. Write your whole essay around it if you think you can support your argument.
Student: … But you’re the TA, so you’ll be grading it later, right?
Tutor: Let me put it this way — if you can write this argumentative essay well enough that I start to take your side, then I will give you an A for the semester.
Student: Can I get that in writing?
Tutor: Sure [writes it and signs it].
Student: Sweet. I’m head of the debate team, you know.
101 Braddock Road
Frostburg, Maryland
Overheard by: can’t wait to see how this one turns out…
Diner: Why is it that whenever ‘sour cream’ appears on your menu, it has an asterisk beside it?
Waiter, condescendingly: Because those dishes have sour cream in them.
800 Block, Rockville Pike
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Doctor Whom
Training manager: So, how’s everything going?
New admin: Fine. Just fine.
Training manager: Are you sure? Do you need anything? Something I can help you with?
New admin: I’m sure. No, really, everything’s fine. I’m fine… I’m just going to, uh, run out to my car for a second. To, uh, grab a bottle of water. I’ll be right back [gets her things and leaves the office, never returns].
Training manager: Wow. Was it something I said?
Assistant: No, I think it was the fact that you kept staring at her boobs.
Training manager: Oh. Right.
East Gude Drive
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: the fly on the wall
Coworker #1: Ugh, it feels like Monday!
Coworker #2: It is Monday.
Coworker #1: Oh. Still…
7231 Parkway Drive
Hanover, Maryland
Boss’s wife: Is he talking about having a harem again?
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Teacher’s aide: Where did you find the sticky, gooey stuff (Tacky Finger)?
Secretary: In my drawers.
Contour Road
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Manager: I have a bunch of file folders. Can you sort them by color?
Assistant: Sure.
Manager: They’re in the back.
Assistant, returning with folders: These are all green.
Manager: Well, they’re different shades of green.
Assistant: Not really. It’s just that some are more faded than others.
Manager: I just think it would look nice if you sorted them into a pile of folders with straight greens and a pile with more of a spongy print. Are you okay with that?
Assistant: Sure. [To herself] There’s a lot of reasons why I don’t quit smoking.
North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Mother to son behind the curtain: If you don’t behave, I’m not going to take you to the hospital ever again.
Franklin Square Hospital
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: Brain Surgeon
