Offers and requests

Frazzled accountant: So yes, please mail me the statement ASAP! Yes, thanks, thanks. Okay, love you.
(after a minute, to peon)
Did I just say “I love you”?


Eager presenter: We need people who can walk the talk and live the walk.

Kirtland, Ohio

Overheard by: street smart, no street genuis!

Coworker: Would you like some tomato sauce with that muffin?
Customer: (blank look)
Coworker: Ah, shit.


Overheard by: Alaska

Patient: Do you offer any discounts if this is my second surgery?
Receptionist: Sure, we can throw in a free appendectomy or colonoscopy… Your choice.

Orange Avenue
Orlando, Florida

Male cube rat: Hey, Amanda, you wanna come sing “Endless Love” with me?

Chesapeake, Virginia

Overheard by: Project Manager

Executive #1: You go first.
Executive #2: Why?
Executive #1: I always go first…I don’t know what your problem is.
Executive #2: I don’t have a problem; why can’t you just go up the stairs first?

137 Ocean Avenue
Lakewood, New Jersey

Boss: I need you to work your superpowers for me.
Stunned office monkey: In the office?!

Argentia Road

Overheard by: My superpower is top secret

Worker: Can I take the rest of the day off?
Boss: LetmethinkaboutthatNo.
Worker: Don’t you want to hear why?
Boss: No.
Worker: Some of the guys are going snowmobiling and I wanted to meet up with them…
Boss: What do you think this is, a resort?
Worker: If it were a resort, I wouldn’t have to leave; there’d be things to do.

900 Simpson Street
Saint Paul, Minnesota

Patient: Where’s the bathroom?
Receptionist: On your way out, you can just go in that corner.

Dentist’s Office
Ottawa, Ontario

Overheard by: Avoiding the corner

Employee to boss returning from lunch with wife: Excuse me, can I smell your fingers?

Frisco, Texas