Customer: I don’t understand why I can’t book a flight for the 1st
of January 2007.
Travel Agent: That’s because our schedules are only published 350 days in advance.
Customer: I know that, so why can’t I book the flight today? There’s
360 days in the year, so logically the seats can be booked today.
Travel Agent: Because that would be 365 days in the year, sir.

225 Bath Street
Glasgow, Scotland

Department Head: You don’t get to choose what the conference is on, there is a pre-set list and they will be allocated around the team.
Co-worker: In that case I think I’ll run a conference on Pathfinders.

Websters Ropery
Ropery Road, Sunderland

Overheard by: Jennifer Stevenson

Copy editor, muttering to herself: Party foul, for dubious misuse of the verb “finger.” (pause) Contractions are your friends! Will everyone stop being so damn British?!


Overheard by: musingvenus

Manager: Ben*, do you want a badly made sandwich?
Employee: How badly made?
Manager: Badly.
Employee: Yeah!

Hemel Hempstead

Overheard by: I’m fine thanks

Co-worker: This pilot is now fully rollable outable.

Rubislaw House
Anderson Drive
Aberdeen, Aberdeenshire

Peon #1: Don't put that paper in the bin, it won't get recycled. Put it in the confidential waste bin, the stuff in there does get recycled.
Peon #2: But it's not confidential waste.
Peon #1: Well, write a secret on it and then put it in, if that'll make you feel better.


Overheard by: PumpkinSpider

Lady manager: As far as I’m concerned, if you haven’t had a rash, you haven’t lived!

Kingswood Fields, Surrey
United Kingdom

Overheard by: Captain Stash

Boss to magazine editor on phone: Hello? Sorry, what’s your name? Jeff? Jeff? Really? Sorry, it’s just… you sound like a woman.


Worker: *Liam was great, I didn’t want any fucking sympathy and he just got on it with it. I hated my fucking father anyway.
Co-worker: Good.
Worker: I mean I only went to his fucking funeral to make sure the cunt was dead… And to spit on his grave. You know? But *Alan got two and a half days for his fucking mother in law.
Co-worker: Yeah?
Worker: Yeah. I mean I hated the bastard but I still get my three days right?
Co-worker: Right.


Lady peon: Oh, for fuck’s sake! I’m going to have to draw on my breasts now.

Bolton, Lancashire
United Kingdom