Boss: I want Joan* helicoptered into this afternoon’s meeting.
Peon: But Joan works in this building. She could just walk.
Boss: I wasn’t being literal — it’s a metaphysical helicopter.
Aberdeen
Scotland
Overheard by: metaphysical, my arse
Boss: I want Joan* helicoptered into this afternoon’s meeting.
Peon: But Joan works in this building. She could just walk.
Boss: I wasn’t being literal — it’s a metaphysical helicopter.
Aberdeen
Scotland
Overheard by: metaphysical, my arse
Coworker #1: The new fix is now in place.
Coworker #2: Is this the fix that fixes the unknown thing we don’t know about or the other thing?
Coworker #1: The unknown thing.
Oxford
United Kingdom
New legal secretary: Excuse me, is it Miss D. Meanor or Miss Demeanor?
Solicitor: You cannot be that stupid…
Plymouth
United Kingdom
Angry manager: … And you are in no way the Leah* you should be! Do I make myself clear?!
Tearful employee: … Yes.
Angry manager: Are you always like this?
Tearful employee: No, I usually respond well to criticism, it’s just–
Angry manager: –It’s not criticism, it’s feedback!
Pride Park, Derby
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Glad I work in another department
Old guy: Small fish and chips.
Italian vendor: The fish aren’t ready — 10 minutes.
Old guy: What? I’m very deaf.
Italian vendor: The fish aren’t ready — 10 minutes!
Old guy: What? I can’t hear you.
Italian vendor: No fish! Have a look here [points to other menu items].
Old guy: I can’t see so well. Just get me a fish and chips.
Italian vendor: No fish!
Old guy: Why are you talking to me?! I can’t hear well! Just get me a fish.
Italian vendor: No fish!
Old guy: Are you stupid? I’m deaf and nearly blind, just get me a fish and chips! God, you’d think you didn’t have any fish!
Edinburgh, Scotland
United Kingdom
CSR picking up discarded empty box: It would come in handy, even if we never used it.
Laurel House, Old Dover Road
Canterbury, Kent
England
Overheard by: John Dunmore
CSR on phone: Yes, I know. I’m sorry, I am French.
Percepta, Sauchiehall Street
Glasgow
Scotland
Co-worker: Is these discs recorderable overable?
Rubislaw House
Anderson Drive
Aberdeen, Aberdeenshire
UK
Co-worker: Take two individuals, like me.
Rubislaw House
Anderson Drive
Aberdeen, Aberdeenshire
UK
Customer: I don’t understand why I can’t book a flight for the 1st
of January 2007.
Travel Agent: That’s because our schedules are only published 350 days in advance.
Customer: I know that, so why can’t I book the flight today? There’s
360 days in the year, so logically the seats can be booked today.
Travel Agent: Because that would be 365 days in the year, sir.
225 Bath Street
Glasgow, Scotland
