Co-worker: He could do that job with one eye shut and one eye tied behind his back.

Rubislaw House
Anderson Drive
Aberdeen, Aberdeenshire

Boss: You got hypnotized by the screen saver?
IT guy: No, I’m watching porn. This is the only screen no one else can see.

United Kingdom

Man: I’m going to get my thing cauterized. [Pause] Not my thing, but my thing.

Primark Eastbourne
United Kingdom

Teacher #1: My dad hit a deer once!
Teacher #2: Oh, really?! Did it die?
Teacher #1: Yeah, and it totally wrecked the car, too.
Teacher #2: My dad hit a cow!
Teacher #1: Oh… Well, my dad hit a whale!

Bexhill College

Overheard by: Corinne

Reporter: I’m so middle-aged, I missed the turn-off.
Editor: We’re all getting on a bit…
Reporter: I don’t care. I’m happy just to sit here, let my belly grow, and get interested in plants.

United Kingdom

Co-worker #1: Is it bad to take holidays just after you start a
new job, like within the trial period?
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I took, like, 10 days in the first week of starting.

WCP Harlaw Road
Inverurie, Aberdeenshire

Overheard by: JBlair

Secretary #1: Oh! Um…
Secretary #2: Don’t mind me — I’m just fiddling in your drawers.

Solicitor’s office
United Kingdom

Worker bee: If you’re not willing to come in on your days off, you can’t complain about being short-staffed.


Office girl on phone: I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Is there something I can do to you? Shit. I mean for you?

United Kingdom

Overheard by: Christina

Suit #1: So, you feeling better today?
Suit #2: Man, I’m never eating Indian again.
Suit #1: Can’t have been that bad.
Suit #2: It’s just not manly to pee out your bum.