Female supervisor: Hey, Stan*, you got a stiffy today?
Office worker with pained expression: Uh… I’ve just got a sore neck.
Hemel Hempstead
UK
Female supervisor: Hey, Stan*, you got a stiffy today?
Office worker with pained expression: Uh… I’ve just got a sore neck.
Hemel Hempstead
UK
Boss: I don’t want it turning into a mega gangbang.
226 Penarth Road
Cardiff
UK
Employee #1: You couldn't swing a cat in it, but she thought it was palatial.
Employee #2: What?
(pause)
Employee #1: Big.
Kilmarnock
Scotland
Overheard by: Traitorfish
Worker on phone: Say catastrophe.
Worker on loudspeaker: Castastrosy.
Worker on phone: Yeah, now say catastrophic.
Worker on loudspeaker: Castrastrosic.
Worker on phone: See?
Worker on loudspeaker: See what?
Hemel Hempstead
Hertfordshire
England
Overheard by: Yes i see, this is defintitely catastrophic
Systems administrator: No, it isn’t a flowchart, it’s a chart that just happens to flow.
Aberdeen
Scotland
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Auditor in the corner
Editor: I want a story about a person.
Intern: What kind?
Editor: Oh, I don’t know. But it could be a lollipop man, who straps a rocket to the back of his lollipop, and now flies to New York in five seconds.
Edinburgh
Scotland
Male coworker to lady coworkers, about relationship with sister: We never said anything nasty to each other — it was just physical violence.
Hemel Hempstead
United Kingdom
Overheard by: sticks and stones…
Worker bee: In a perfect world everyone should smell like pizza.
Hemel Hempstead
UK
Overheard by: I’d prefer fresh-cut grass
Boss: I want Joan* helicoptered into this afternoon’s meeting.
Peon: But Joan works in this building. She could just walk.
Boss: I wasn’t being literal — it’s a metaphysical helicopter.
Aberdeen
Scotland
Overheard by: metaphysical, my arse
Coworker #1: The new fix is now in place.
Coworker #2: Is this the fix that fixes the unknown thing we don’t know about or the other thing?
Coworker #1: The unknown thing.
Oxford
United Kingdom
