Office guy: It's for the masonic center, don't fuck it up.
Office girl: Yeah, I hear they will cut a bitch.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Co-worker: She is just the sweetest dog…except she likes to bite kids in the face.
625 Cherry Street
Columbia, Missouri
Circulation clerk: I was talking to her about how peaceful it is in here, and now she’s going to go get a knife.
1035 North Treat Avenue
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: Volks
Boss to underling: Would you please go next door and politely shoot their dog?
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Anchor: As long as it’s not forced sodomy, it’s okay.
524 West 57th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: News Bunny
Guy on phone with his mom: I think if an axe murderer breaks in, he'll already have an axe.
Stratford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Deek
Instructor: Nine times out of ten, if you shoot at something you're either going to hit it or miss it.
Camp Shelby, Mississippi
Dude: I don’t know — I just don’t trust that North Korea isn’t going to keep testing those narcotic bombs.
9070 Junction Drive
Annapolis Junction, Maryland
Boss: I went on a date with this guy, and he showed up with the most hideous, tacky tie on. So I just said, ‘That tie is so tacky’ and made him take it off and threw it into the nearest trash can. He thinks I’m so mean, but I’m telling you, he loves it.
171 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: Grace Aldridge
