Co-Worker #1: Don’t say “big business.” They’ll just write us off as anti-corporate crazies.
Co-Worker #2: But we are anti-corporate crazies.
Pause.
Co-Worker #1: Yes…but we don’t want to be written off as anti-corporate crazies nonetheless.
1700 Connecticut Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: ECO
Warehouse worker: You look nice today. You going somewhere after this?
Girl in dress: No, I just wanted to air out my vagina.
Emeryville, California
Overheard by: warehouse peon
Worker #1: They’re out of orange juice again.
Worker #2: Yeah, and they haven’t refilled the cocoa slot, either.
Worker #1: They’re also out of Dr. Pepper.
Worker #3: Well, you could just have the Diet Dr. Pepper.
Worker #1: I’m not an animal!
1166 Sixth Avenue
New York, New York
Co-worker #1: That’s what I love about Jessica*; she’s always so quiet. Never complains about anything.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, and if you had a lobotomy you’d do the same thing.
25 Winthrop Street
Worcester, Massachusetts
Male co-worker: That’s the thing about black people. They’ll just sing their favorite song out loud. Like they don’t care that they’re in public.
Female co-worker: Well, that’s because they have better voices than we do.
1000 Techwood
Atlanta, Georgia
PM: Hey, Craig*, can you [makes weird slurping noise]?
Craig: No thanks, I’m married.
PM: I don’t know what that means.
191 Oak Plaza Drive
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Database administrator #1: You can either spend half a day showing them how to do it and another three weeks constantly answering questions, or you can just take half an hour and write the code for them.
Database administrator #2: Well, we should teach them how to fish instead of just feeding them every day!
Database administrator #1: You can teach them how to fish, but they still won’t know how to write code.
880 Carillon Parkway
St. Petersburg, Florida
Female: My nipples are boring.
Male: Does our insurance cover that?
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Suit #1: Whenever it rains, you come to work wearing plastic pants. Why do you get to wear plastic pants? My boss wouldn’t let me wear plastic pants.
“Suit” #2: If you could do what I can do, you could wear plastic pants, too.
4 Irving Place
New York, New York
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Teacher: That’s an interesting name. It is a type of flower right?
Student: Yeah, but I am a hard flower. I am so tough, I am almost a weed.
1001 SW Avenue M
Belle Glade, Florida
Overheard by: substitute
