Because I Have Been Getting a Little Unkempt Back There

Engineer to another: What'd you just say? My ass is grass? And you're the lawnmower?

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: jt

Posted on July 25, 2019
Body Parts, Compare and contrast, Engineers, New York, Questions, Sexuality, Weirdness

The Concept of ‘Caring’ Was Not Covered at MIT — Please Explain

Engineer #1: So how’s it going?
Engineer #2: Crazy. Completely crazy. Why’d you ask?
Engineer #1: Because I care, dumbass.

500 Howard Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: really touched

Posted on June 24, 2019
California, Crazies, Engineers, Insults, Questions

How to Get a Room Full Of People Focused on the Same Goal

Project manager: Can you look over a doc for me?
Engineer #1: Not right now. I'm reading about bestiality.
Engineer #2: What? Dude… Share the link!
Engineers #3 and #4: Yeah!

Alpharetta, Georgia

Posted on April 27, 2019
Bosses, Engineers, Georgia, Internet, Offers and requests, Sexuality, Weirdness

I Was TRYING to Look at Kiddie Porn

Engineer, to the HR director: Just in case you get a phone call about it later, I wasn’t trying to look at gay porn on my computer.

Farmers Branch, Texas

Posted on October 28, 2018
Coworkers, Engineers, Internet, Lies, Places, Sexuality, Texas

It's What Jesus Would Do

Engineer on phone: Even skanky girls need love too. And I'm single, so I do my part to help.

Grayslake, Illinois

Posted on October 6, 2018
Engineers, Feelings, Illinois, On the phone, Relationships, Sexuality

Probably Asphaltzheimer's Disease

Engineer to another: Don't you just love it when Mark* comes up to your desk and throws down a recipe for soup and asks you where to buy asphalt? And he keeps pointing at it!

New York City, New York

Overheard by: jt

Posted on October 4, 2018
Engineers, General Idiocy, New York, Questions, Weirdness

A Manly Man Can Always Use More Hares on His Chest

Male engineer #1 (cleaning a drawer): Oh, look! Temporary tattoos. Here, you can have them.
(male engineer #2 takes them and looks them over)
Male engineer #3: You can put them in your manly chest.
Male engineer #2 (excitedly): Ooh, a bunny!

Matamoros, Mexico

Overheard by: Female Engineering Intern (snickering)

Posted on August 2, 2018
Advice, Body Parts, Coworkers, Default, Engineers, Mexico, Sexuality

Arlo’s Cursed to Wander the World Alone ’til He Can Make a Woman Laugh

Engineer cleaning out her purse: Hey look! I had four cereal bars in there!
Geeky coworker: Look at the way those are laying next to each other on the desk, one right next to the other… Those aren’t cereal, they are parallel universes!

Richmond Road
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: The Surly Programmer

Posted on May 28, 2018
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Dorks, Geeks, & Nerds, Engineers, Meals and Snacks, Ohio, Science

Read and Heed, Ladies

Engineer #1: You don't want me designing that machine. Not even if I was the last man on earth.
Project manager: If you were the last man on earth, who would there be to ask you to design it?
Engineer #2: The last woman on earth?
Engineer #1: I definitely wouldn't do it then. No matter what I did, she would make me wrong. Fuck that!

Paterson, New Jersey

Posted on March 25, 2018
Bosses and Underlings, Engineers, Gripes, New Jersey, Offers and requests, Questions

1PM Lunch

Secretary: Well, we’re going to Jersey for that meeting, so we could go to the Village Gourmet.
Engineer: Yeah, that was good the last time.
Surveyor: Doesn’t the guy that owns that one own another one too, right down the street from the Village Gourmet?
Secretary: Yeah, but it’s really expensive, everything’s a la carte.
Engineer: What does a la carte mean anyway?
Secretary: Dude, you’re 26 years old and you don’t know what a la fucking carte means?
Surveyor: Aren’t you French Canadian, too?

One Penn Plaza
New York, NY

Overheard by: Melissa Miller

Posted on January 10, 2018
Compliments, Consultants, Engineers, General Idiocy, Language barrier, Money, New York, Receptionists, Words