Waitress: I think I’m gaining weight.
Waiter: What makes you say that?
Waitress: I’ve put on 18 pounds since I started working here.
Waiter: Maybe you’re pregnant.
Waitress: It can’t be. You cannot get pregnant by the finger!
210 North 77 Sunshine Strip
Harlingen, Texas
Overheard by: Omar
Guy #1: I love the Jell-O here.
Guy #2: Yeah… Want to go take a shower?
Guy #3: Hell yeah, let’s go take a shower!
Guy #1: Alright, I’ll run to my room, drop off my stuff, and we can head over to take a shower.
Kinsolving dining room
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: HornFan
Patron: Ummm, I’m looking for a book.
Librarian: Okay, well, do you know what it’s called?
Patron: No.
Librarian: Do you know who wrote it?
Patron: No.
Librarian: Are you just hoping that we have some sort of book?
Patron: Yeah.
Librarian: You know you’re in a fuckin’ library, right?
Austin Public Library
Austin, Texas
Hispanic lady: My husband just called to let me know that he’s cooking dinner for me tonight — it’ll be ready when I get home.
Black guy: That’s bullshit. He’s just full of Budweiser, wantin’ you to come home and all.
Hispanic lady: My husband don’t drink no more!
Black guy: Bullshit!
Hispanic lady: No, really! He stopped drinking and smoking 10 years ago!
Black guy: Well, if he don’t drink then he ain’t no Mexican. That’s all they do!
Houston, Texas
Man: Oooh, whatever was on my finger tasted good! I wonder what it was…
Dallas, Texas
Sophomore: Dude, I really want a taco right now, but it’s early in the morning…
Friend, leaning in: Nah, that depends on what kind of taco you’re talking about. There are different kind of tacos… Heh, heh, you know what I mean?
Sophomore: Dude, shut up!
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: thanks Captain Obvious
Coworker: I can’t get my thingy on my dilly to pull out so I can get the thing to put on my paper! Can someone help me?
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: Helio
Hostess #1: I wish I were a lesbian sometimes.
Hostess #2: Why is that?
Hostess #1: Oh, you know, so I could dress how I want.
Hostess #2: Ummm… You can do that anyway.
Hostess #1, laughing: Oh, you know what I mean! Baggy clothes!
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: scd
Hot intern girl: It sucks that we have to seal all these envelopes today.
Jewish intern guy: Yeah, well, I make it into a game, you see. I pick a number, and if I can’t seal that many envelopes in one minute, a bomb explodes!
Hot intern girl: Wow.
West Loop, Galleria Area
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: In the cube next door
Toy store clerk #1: Hey, Jessie*, do we still have any of those Communist uniforms?
Toy store clerk #2: I don’t think so.
Toy store clerk #1: What about the Communist soldier figurines?
Toy store clerk #2: Hm… I don’t think so.
Toy store clerk #1: Do we have anything Communist-related?
Toy store clerk #2: I think we still have the stick-on Communist facial hair…
29th Street and Guadalupe Street
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: amused socialist
