Woman #1: Well, we were stupid back then. We thought cracking your knuckles was cool — we didn’t realize it could lead to arthritis.
Woman #2, taking a drag on her cigarette: Yeah, we just didn’t know.
7715 Chevy Chase Drive
Austin, Texas
Woman #1: Well, we were stupid back then. We thought cracking your knuckles was cool — we didn’t realize it could lead to arthritis.
Woman #2, taking a drag on her cigarette: Yeah, we just didn’t know.
7715 Chevy Chase Drive
Austin, Texas
Freshman #1: So I talked to my ex-girlfriend from high school this weekend. She’s totally changed and she’s dating this jerkish guy.
Freshman #2: Turkish, or jerk-ish?
Random chick turning around to join conversation: I hate Turkish people.
Freshman #1: Jerkish.
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: thinking she was armenian
Specialist: Did you know that one of the most recognizable smells is the smell of crayons?
Manager: What about glue?
2700 W Plano Parkway
Dallas, Texas
Overheard by: soolka
Pilot: Tower, there’s a piece of foreign object debris on the taxiway in front of the tower.
Tower: Roger, we’ll send a truck right out to pick it up.
Pilot: Tower, disregard the FOD. It just hopped off the taxiway.
Tower: Disregarding.
Air Force Pilot training base
Texas
Overheard by: Redstick Zero Five
Employee: I can take you right to the landscaping section. Let’s take the elevator here.
Customer: Boy, you really like to pamper these fat-assed people, huh. You know Texas is one of the fattest states in the nation? Don’t you have stairs?
Employee: We have an escalator.
1217 W State Highway 114
Grapevine, Texas
Maintenance tech #1: Animal Control is on the way to remove the dead skunk carcass. I’ll let you know when they get here.
Maintenance tech #2: Uh, go ahead and call them back and tell them not to come. We checked it out and it’s a used banana peel.
Maintenance tech #1: Ten-four.
6400 Legacy Drive
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: Shaking Head
Devout drinker: So if you think about it… Moses would want you to be drunk right now.
1 University Station
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Converting to Judaism
General manager: Feeling better today?
Waitress, laughing: Oh, yes!
General manager: Why are you laughing?
Waitress: Oh, it’s nothing.
General manager: No, tell me!
Waitress: I can’t!
General manager: Is it girl stuff?
Waitress: No.
General manager: Well, then tell me!
Waitress: Ok. I’m feeling better because I got really fucking stoned last night.
General manager: Dopehead.
Beaumont, Texas
Employee: Can I help you find something?
Female customer: No…Actually, yes. I can’t find any CDs by Devo.
Employee: Hm. What genre?
Girl: I would say rock, but…
Employee: D-I-V-O?
Girl: No, D-E-V-O.
Employee: That sounds really familiar. Let me go take a look. [Starts to turn]Girl: Yeah, “Whip it!” [Makes whip crack motion]
Employee looks hurt and oblivious as he walks away.
1515 West Highway 114
Grapevine, Texas
Worker #1: Hey, man, you got one of them stick stain remover things?
Worker #2: Hell yes I do!
Worker #1: You know if it work on blood?
3908 Avenue B
Austin, Texas
