Suit #1: Dude, that guy is falling over drunk in the middle of the day!
Suit #2: Lucky bastard.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Jealous too
Suit #1: Dude, that guy is falling over drunk in the middle of the day!
Suit #2: Lucky bastard.
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: Jealous too
Consultant #1: Should we print copies so people can take notes?
Consultant #2: I never take notes — I have a phallic memory. If I see it once, I always remember it.
Bay Area Boulevard
Houston, Texas
Chick #1: I miss birth control.
Chick #2: Me, too. Condoms are complicated.
South Inwood Road
Dallas, Texas
Corporate peon: Did you get my message?
Field rep: No, did you leave one?
Corporate peon: Well… No.
909 Lake Carolyn Parkway
Irving, Texas
Overheard by: Bigness
Phone rep #1: What’s that?! A cheeseburger without cheese?!
Phone rep #2: Yeah. It’s called a hamburger.
500 North Central Expressway
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: amused coworker
CEO at company-wide meeting: You have to understand — we are a relatively young company, and we are in Helen Keller mode right now.
13500 Heritage Parkway
Fort Worth, Texas
Waitress: I think I’m gaining weight.
Waiter: What makes you say that?
Waitress: I’ve put on 18 pounds since I started working here.
Waiter: Maybe you’re pregnant.
Waitress: It can’t be. You cannot get pregnant by the finger!
210 North 77 Sunshine Strip
Harlingen, Texas
Overheard by: Omar
Guy #1: I love the Jell-O here.
Guy #2: Yeah… Want to go take a shower?
Guy #3: Hell yeah, let’s go take a shower!
Guy #1: Alright, I’ll run to my room, drop off my stuff, and we can head over to take a shower.
Kinsolving dining room
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: HornFan
Patron: Ummm, I’m looking for a book.
Librarian: Okay, well, do you know what it’s called?
Patron: No.
Librarian: Do you know who wrote it?
Patron: No.
Librarian: Are you just hoping that we have some sort of book?
Patron: Yeah.
Librarian: You know you’re in a fuckin’ library, right?
Austin Public Library
Austin, Texas
Hispanic lady: My husband just called to let me know that he’s cooking dinner for me tonight — it’ll be ready when I get home.
Black guy: That’s bullshit. He’s just full of Budweiser, wantin’ you to come home and all.
Hispanic lady: My husband don’t drink no more!
Black guy: Bullshit!
Hispanic lady: No, really! He stopped drinking and smoking 10 years ago!
Black guy: Well, if he don’t drink then he ain’t no Mexican. That’s all they do!
Houston, Texas
