Barista: What are you going to do when you grow up?
Little girl: Doctor.
Barista: You want to be a doctor? That’s wonderful!
Little girl: No. Mommy told me to marry doctor and have kids. I want 27!

Ft Valley Road
Flagstaff, Arizona

Mother: What are you going to have?
Daughter: Chicken nuggets and a Dr Pepper.
Mother: I’m not getting you a Dr Pepper. It’s not good for you.
Daughter: Fine. I’ll have a Coke.
Mother: That’s better.


Blond barmaid: What’s in a whiskey and coke?

Pesto Café
Fayetteville, Arkansas

Overheard by: retired from the service industry

Starbucks customer: Yes, I’d like a grande Dolce & Gabbana latte?
Extremely patient barrista: You mean a Dolce cinnamon latte?
Starbucks customer: No! I said Dolce & Gabbana, and that’s what I want!
Extremely patient barrista: I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t sell that here anymore.

Starbucks, Indian River Road
Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: a smarter customer.

Fat lady: I want your 21-piece bucket of chicken.
Rude employee: Is that for here, or to go?
Fat lady: You think I can eat this whole thing by myself?
Rude employee: I don’t know your life. Bitch!

1406 Saint Charles Avenue
New Orleans, Louisiana

Waitress #1: The chicken is layered with proscuitto, sage, and pecorino cheese…
Customer snickers.
Waitress #1: What’s so funny?
Customer: It’s just… the cheese! [snickers again] Waitress #1 to waitress #2: What is funny about pecorino cheese?
Waitress # 2: You said “pecker.”

Victorian Square
Sparks, Nevada

Overheard by: waitress # 1

Car dealership counter guy: Yes, may I help you, sir?
Customer: Uh, yeah, I think I blew a seal.
Car dealership counter guy: Pal, that sounds like a personal problem to me.

1499 Route 46
Ledgewood, New Jersey