IT guy with thick Middle Eastern accent: No Phil*, they are Canadian, they don’t know what they are talking about anyway.

Sprint Headquarters
Overland Park, Kansas

Woman: I really enjoyed your singing this morning.
Girl who sang: Thanks so much!
Woman: Yeah, it’s always so great when someone just sings straight from the ovaries like that.
Girl who sang: Uhh… [Nervous laugh.]

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Annah

Event planner: Oh, damn, this is terrible news. I just lost a snack set-up. First the breakfast burritos and now this! What’s next… Anything but the Swedish fish!

West 23rd Street
New York City, New York

Insurance salesman: Maternity is covered as a sickness under this policy.

39th Avenue
Hollywood, Florida

Waiter: Is it your birthday today?
Customer: No.
Waiter: Oh, sorry. It’s just that there are a lot of birthdays this year.

Minot, North Dakota

Overheard by: Taggart Snyder

Hostess #1: I wish I were a lesbian sometimes.
Hostess #2: Why is that?
Hostess #1: Oh, you know, so I could dress how I want.
Hostess #2: Ummm… You can do that anyway.
Hostess #1, laughing: Oh, you know what I mean! Baggy clothes!

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: scd

Waitress to customers: We take vodka and add fresh-squeezed lemon juice… from lemons.

Pamplico Highway
Florence, South Carolina

Overheard by: I Prefer Limes

Guy: I’ll have a Number Three, and can I have a small chocolate shake?
Bimbette employee: No.
Guy: No, I can’t have a shake?
Bimbette employee: Nope.
Guy: Are you saying no to the ‘small,’ the ‘chocolate,’ or the ‘shake…’?
Bimbette employee: Both.
Guy: So, both of the three, huh?
Bimbette employee: Yes, but you can have vanilla.
Guy: I would love vanilla, thank you.

McDonald’s, 53rd Street and 2nd Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: brian

Man: Why are you allowing a day spa? I didn’t think you allowed day spas in this town. When you have day spas you attract people who get facials, and we don’t want those kinds of people in this town!

Redlands City Hall
Redlands, California

Skank: Can I use your bathroom?
Clerk: Only if you promise not to pee on the floor.
Skank: Okay.

7-Eleven, Westmoreland Street and Broad Street
Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: Lane In Richmond