The Classroom

10AM Student Conference

Teacher: Are you sure that this is a note from your mother?
Kid: Yeah, she wrote it with her own hand.
Teacher: Okay, so you are going to tell me that you were out for two weeks because your mom had to go to Chicago to buy a bed?
Kid: That’s right. We only buy our furniture in Chicago.
Teacher: Okay, but I don’t believe it. That’s like the note you sent me saying you would be attending a funeral in two weeks. That your grandma was going to be dead in two weeks.
Kid: Yeah, so what.
Teacher: Well, you tell me, was that planned or did she come about with some unfortunate accident?
Kid: They can never pin it on me.

Desert Marigold Lane
Las Vegas, Nevada

An Unexamined Life Not Being Worth Living

Student: You look very excited.
Professor: Yeah, ’cause I just peed!

Rolfe Hall, UCLA
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Josh M.

Probably Some Sort of Throw Pillow

Student: What is this bit?
Professor: Which bit?
Student: The kinda-purplish, squishy bit.
Professor, to assistant: Do you know what that is?
Assistant: No.
Professor, to student: That’s not important. You can ignore that.

USC Anatomy lab
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: Kylie

And for My Presentation, I’ll Be Performing ‘Bop Gun’

Third grader: Hey, for our project do we gotta write about a black person?
Teacher: No, you don’t have to write about a black person.
Third grader: My mom wants me to write about George Clinton.
Teacher: Do you mean Bill Clinton?
Third grader: Nah, I meant Thomas Jefferson.
Teacher: Oh, he’s okay.

7th Street & Sansom Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Teacher Noga

The Best Diagnosis Canada’s Health Services Have Been Able to Come Up With

Student #1: Do you have a learning disability or something?
Student #2: Yeah. I’m ADD.
Student #1: Oh.
Student #2: Just kidding! I’m just stupid.

Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada

Overheard by: Going to class

Well, Yes, But Only on an Evolutionary Time Scale

Young white girl: You need to wear sunscreen. My mommy told me that skin gets dark if you don’t wear sunscreen.
Young black girl: I was BORN dark.
Young black boy: Me, too.
Young white girl: Really?
Young black boy: I wear sunscreen, too.
Young white girl: You were born that way? So it’s not the sun? Really?

Preschool
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Amused Pre-K teacher

Especially the Cats’ Eyes

Kindergarten boy: Mrs. Jones*, I need to go to the bathroom.
Teacher: No, you just went.
Kindergarten boy: Please, Mrs. Jones*. I gotta go.
Teacher: No, you were told you had to wait.
Kindergarten boy: But I have to go now! My marbles are itchy!

Manitoba
Canadia

Nope, Sold Them to the Gypsies to Pay the Bills

Student: Mrs. Smith*, do you have any kids?
Mrs. Smith: No, I don’t have children.
Student: Did somebody steal them?

1212 Cheyenne Boulevard
Birmingham, Alabama

Overheard by: Sheri

They’re in the Faculty Freezer Now

Teacher: Hugh*, why are you out in the hallway? You should be in the classroom.
Student: Well, I had skidmarks in my underpants so, you know, I was putting them away…

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: another teacher

All That Is Covered in the Illustrated Syllabus

Teacher: Okay, so now that you know the basic rules of the computer lab, I have to ask you one more question… Do any of you ever check out the NMBLA website? [Silence.] Well I do, frequently. I want to know who the enemy is. Also, I like to look at the new Russian brides on Fridays.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Cupcake1

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