Boss to intern: The gym is a great place for networking. You tend to have a bit more pull with your colleagues when you see them naked in the locker room every morning.

Bellingham, Washington

Office lady on cell: Yeah, I was supposed to have lunch with my husband, but he was busy with his girlfriends. (pause) Yeah, at least he tells me when he dates. (pause) Me? No, I just fuck whoever I want, and he can kiss my ass. (pause) Yeah, I am free Thursday.

Chicago, Illinois

Cube rat to another: I just wouldn't be able to sleep with myself if I did something like that to someone.

Oceanside, California

Female peon #1: It’s so hard to go out, never mind find a new guy. My ex and I both grew up in Randolph, so we know everyone. I can’t go anywhere without him or his friends being there.
Female peon #2: You should come to The Jug with me. I know plenty of guys your age.
Boss: You want to meet guys in a bar? You should get a nice guy from church.
Female peon #2: Are you suggesting that we work the church?

Avon, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Fae

X-ray tech: I just finished with Seaman. You know, his friends call him “cum.”

Lakeville, Massachusetts

Supervisor: I wonder if we could get her to move back here. What's keeping her in Austin?
Worker: She has a boyfriend.
Supervisor: Come on! You can get dick anywhere!

Dallas, Texas

Coworker #1: I think it's creepy you kiss your dad on the lips. It's like making out with your father.
Coworker #2: Why do you think that's creepy?! I'm his daughter! His sperm is inside of me!

St. Louis, Missouri

Butch chick: I read The Lion and the Mouse when I was young! It's a story about how the lion got a thorn in his paw and the mouse helped him remove it, and they became friends.
Normal chick: What a stupid lion, why didn't he just eat the mouse?
Butch chick: It's a story of morality for children! Help someone, be friendly!
Normal chick: So?
Butch chick: You don't eat your friends!

Melbourne Central

Overheard by: Incognito

Bimbo: She really didn’t betray him other than sleeping with someone else.

1300 Riverside Avenue
Fort Collins, Colorado

Overheard by: dazed and confused

Suit hanging up phone: I am so done with married chicks — they have too much baggage.

3250 42nd Street
New York, New York