Customer: Are you open?
Cashier: Uh, excuse me?
Customer: Are you open?
Cashier: Um…yeah.
Customer: Oh, well you’re not supposed to be.
Cashier: What?
Customer: Well, it says you’re not supposed to be open until 10!
Cashier: Um…oh, well pharmacy opens at 10. We’ve been open since 8.
Customer: Okay, well I can come back.
Cashier: Um, okay…but we are open right now.
Customer: Okay, well then all I want is a box of cigarettes.
4405 1st Street
Livermore, California
Overheard by: Stephen
Office girl #1: Is there a shortcut to delete something in excel?
Office girl #2: Just hit delete.
Office girl #1: Yeah but you know how Control-c is copy and Control-v is paste.
Office girl #2: Well there is an actual delete button.
Office girl #1: No, I know -I am just trying to save time.
Office girl #2: Well hitting two buttons is not going to be quicker than hitting one.
Office girl #1: I know -but it’s a shortcut, you know?
Office girl #2: Google it.
Corporate Pointe
Culver City, California
Overheard by: Lyn
Woman #1: Is Aaron* coming to your house during the holiday?
Woman #2: No, he’s going to Connecticut to spend the money his mother stole from his father.
Woman #1: Well, that’s not all bad.
Clothing store
Woodcliff Lake, New Jersey
Overheard by: Cashier
Sales rep, on the phone with a client: Well, why don’t you tell me how big yours is, and I’ll tell you how big mine is.
Coker Tire
Chattanooga, Tennessee
Mother: Do they sell headboards here? I think you should get one that’s attached to the wall. They look better.
Young child: I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment.
Home Depot
Perrysburg, Ohio
Overheard by: Treesha
Bookseller: I cleaned up all the damn puppets. All of them! Then, watched as a father allowed his children to throw all of them on the floor, play for an hour, then leave them. He grinned at me, said ‘Kids, right?’, then left. It took all I had not to tear that grin off his face, and shove it so far up his fucking ass that I could then reattach it backwards…Wow, four hours really is too long to go without a cigarette!
Cashier: That was the best image I’ve had all day. Go smoke so that I can savor it alone.
430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: Laughing coworker
Female grocery stocker to male co-stocker: I laugh when I’m nervous, I can’t help it.
Male co-stocker: Yeah?
Female grocery stocker: Yeah. It’s really bad on roller coasters, I crack up. And I always laugh before the first kiss… And I laughed when I saw my dog get hit by a car… But I felt bad about that.
Alton Road
South Beach, Florida
Overheard by: BARA
Coworker #1: She was such a bitch to me for no reason! I think I’m beginning to hate people.
Coworker #2: You used to like people before working here? That’s so freakin’ cute!
430 W Vine Street
Lexington, Kentucky
Overheard by: I Heart Condescension
Older saleswoman, picking up the phone: Hello, this is Sue. How may I help you? Yes? Oh, no! Oh, dear! Definitely! Absolutely, just bring it on in and I’ll take care of it for you. No problem! I’m soooo sorry. I am so, so, so sorry!! [Hangs up phone.] I’m sorry your mother was a prostitute.
Department Store
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: lisa
Woman #1: What day is Thanksgiving on this year?
Woman #2: I don’t know – Thursday or Friday?
Wal-mart
Springfield, Missouri
Overheard by: Jennifer Gerboth
Blonde cashier: Wow! Thanksgiving is on a Thursday this year!
Lake Travis, Texas
Overheard by: Frostwalrus
