Daughter-in-law cooing over another shopper’s baby: Awww — look at that face!
Mother-in-law: You’ll have one of your own soon.
Daughter-in-law: [Snorts] Talk to your son about that.
Mother-in-law: Well, that’s between the two of you, I think.
Daughter-in-law: You know how I am. If I don’t get what I want, I just go out and get it myself. Remember how I wanted a kitten?
Oxford Valley Mall
Langhorne, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Fellow shopper
Female clerk: Did you eat yet?
Male clerk: Yeah, I’ve been here since 1:30.
Female clerk: Ooh! Then can I lint-brush you?
Convenience Store
Brighton, Massachusetts
Customer: Why is your store so big?
Salesgirl: [Silence.]Customer: I’m an accountant — I notice these things.
Chocolate store
North Plainfield, New Jersey
Overheard by: Other Salesgirl
Sales: [Diana] is freaking out. What should I tell her?
Consultant: Just tell her to chill.
Sales: Well, how long should I tell her to chill?
Consultant: Until the next episode.
2135 Rimrock Road
Madison, Wisconsin
Cashier: You have $3.99 in late fees for No Country for Old Men. Would you like to pay that today?
Customer: I didn’t rent that.
Cashier: You handed it to me when you walked in, sir.
Hollywood Video
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Jen
Customer: So I just bought a DVD/VCR player here and I put it in my boyfriend’s car but it wasn’t really my boyfriend’s car because that car that I put the player in is gone now and my boyfriend’s car is still here.
Pause
Customer: Is there a form or something that I can fill out?
400 North Alafaya Trail
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: KTB
Ghetto chick: Girl, I don’t want to rob a grocery store lookin’ like this.
McDade’s
Jackson, Mississippi
Customer: Is Office 2003 the latest version of Office that’s out?
Salesperson: Yeah, they most likely won’t come out with a new version until Vista is released, which should be about the end of the year.
Customer: What’s that?
Salesperson: Vista?
Customer: Yeah, Rista? What is that? Is that the new Office?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the new operating system that’s coming out. Last I heard Microsoft was planning to release it near the end of this year.
Customer: Microsoft’s going to sell computers now?
Salesperson: No, Vista is the operating system that gets installed on computers. It’s what makes your computer run.
Customer: Oh, yeah, I knew that already. Are you going to be carrying Microsoft’s new computers?
Willard Building
State College, Pennsylvania
Co-worker #1: Man! Sasha* is on the phone every time I go over there to talk to her.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, you’re right! She is! You know who else is on the phone a lot? Latoya*.
Co-worker #1: … She’s the receptionist…
Tysons Corner, Virginia
Gay server #1: We’ll be meeting that non-lesbian who looks just like a guy.
Gay server #2: Dibs on her anus.
[pause]Gay server #1: It’s always about the anus with you, isn’t it?
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
