Applicant: I don’t have a copy of my résumé. A dog threw up on my laptop.
Horsham, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: alxie
Applicant: I don’t have a copy of my résumé. A dog threw up on my laptop.
Horsham, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: alxie
CSR: So, what city in Philadelphia are we doing the pickup?
Everett, Massachusetts
Overheard by: OK, I feel smarter now.
Preggers peon: You know, people only think you’re pregnant for nine months, but it’s really ten because you don’t know you’re pregnant for the first month.
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Mic all
Peon: Uh, Jim*, do you have anywhere I can put a floppy dick? … Uh… Disk?
Jim: Niiice.
Garden City, New York
Overheard by: defragment my hard-drive
Cashier to friend: One morning I woke up sober…
Clothing store
Houston Street
New York, New York
Cube dweller: The ranch is very weird today. Not weird-bad, but weird-tangy. It’s like they put some extra zest in it. [Later] Maybe that ranch wasn’t tangy so much as… gone bad.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Bearded employee: Man, I think I have beer on my glasses.
Anchorage, Alaska
Overheard by: Laughing Librarian
English teacher: Nice shirt.
Manager: Tell me about it… It’s laundry day.
Italian teacher: Oh god, I hate laundry day. I always run out of underwear and have to wear nothing under my skirt. I’m terrified that the dog will stick his face up my vagina… You know, literally.
Manager: Yeah, I don’t think there is a way to mean that in a non-literal sense.
434 Peixoto Gomide
São Paulo
Brazil
Overheard by: English Teacher #2
Man: Is that meeting here on the tenth floor?
Woman: No, it’s on the eleventh floor.
Man: Okay. Is that one floor up?
2775 Laurel Street
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Employee, about jury duty: I figure if they’re in court, they’re guilty of something, or why would they be there?
323 East Grand River Avenue
Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Dunder Mifflin
