Lady coworker #1 standing in hospital cafeteria line: Wow. Cod again? Why can’t they have a bigger variety of seafood?
Lady coworker #2: It would be great if they would serve something besides fish, like shrimp or crab.
Lady coworker #1: Shellfish is always best when it’s fresh, though. Whenever I go to the East Coast I always come back with crabs.
2801 W Oklahoma Avenue
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Employee: What are you doing tonight?
Manager: I have to pick up a turkey and then get a CAT scan.
140 River’s Edge Drive
Traverse City, Michigan
Waitress: And so the guy from the health department says we have, like, one day to get this shit cleaned up or he is shutting us down. Oh my god, he’s right! Look at all this crap in the bottom of the ice… [As two customers walk in] Oh, hello. Two for dinner?
Diner
Maine
Overheard by: brian brinegar
Waitress to customers: We take vodka and add fresh-squeezed lemon juice… from lemons.
Pamplico Highway
Florence, South Carolina
Overheard by: I Prefer Limes
Paralegal #1: Don’t you remember Zweiback cookies when you were little?
Paralegal #2: Uh, no.
Associate: You white people are into different things.
180 Maiden Lane
New York, New York
Guy: I’ll have a Number Three, and can I have a small chocolate shake?
Bimbette employee: No.
Guy: No, I can’t have a shake?
Bimbette employee: Nope.
Guy: Are you saying no to the ‘small,’ the ‘chocolate,’ or the ‘shake…’?
Bimbette employee: Both.
Guy: So, both of the three, huh?
Bimbette employee: Yes, but you can have vanilla.
Guy: I would love vanilla, thank you.
McDonald’s, 53rd Street and 2nd Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: brian
Girl #1: The lasagna I had for lunch was made funny. It had air in it.
Girl #2: How’d they get air in the lasagna?
Girl #1: I think it was after the layer of sauce.
Bay Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Cube rat: I love Thai food…
Mail guy: Man, you should marry an Asian lady.
Cube rat: … But I don’t like sticky rice.
Mail guy: She doesn’t have to be sticky.
1771 N Street NW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: just another temp
Middle-aged guy #1 looking at menu: Hey, man, they spelled ‘Caesar’ wrong.
Middle-aged guy #2: What do you mean?
Middle-aged guy #1: They spelled it C-A-E-S-A-R instead of C-E-A-S-A-R. They switched the ‘A’ and ‘E.’
Middle-aged guy #2: Yeah, I’ve seen it spelled that way before. It’s, like, the authentic Roman spelling.
Middle-aged guy #1: Oh, yeah, they were always doing crazy shit… Like backward V’s and stuff.
Sam Snead’s Tavern
Shawnee on Delaware, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Logan
Paralegal: What can I get you guys?
Consultant: Just a coffee.
Young consultant: Could I get a white mocha latte, please?
Head lawyer: Where do you think this is, LA?
Law firm, Wacker Drive
Chicago, Illinois
