Guest: I want some popcorn shrimp.
Waitress: Do you want a half pound or three-quarter pound?
Guest: I’ll have the half pound. It’s bigger, so we can share.
206 West Franklin Street
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: HazyJay
Guest: I want some popcorn shrimp.
Waitress: Do you want a half pound or three-quarter pound?
Guest: I’ll have the half pound. It’s bigger, so we can share.
206 West Franklin Street
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Overheard by: HazyJay
Phone rep #1: What’s that?! A cheeseburger without cheese?!
Phone rep #2: Yeah. It’s called a hamburger.
500 North Central Expressway
Plano, Texas
Overheard by: amused coworker
Frustrated clerk to group of traders: Did you guys have retard sandwiches for lunch or something?
Smart-ass in back: I had a burrito.
Trading Desk
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Walking by…
Guy #1: I love the Jell-O here.
Guy #2: Yeah… Want to go take a shower?
Guy #3: Hell yeah, let’s go take a shower!
Guy #1: Alright, I’ll run to my room, drop off my stuff, and we can head over to take a shower.
Kinsolving dining room
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: HornFan
Chick: A new day, another dollar. A new day, another dollar. A new day, another dollar. As long as I have my smoothie, I’m okay. Smoothie — okay. No smoothie — not okay.
375 Hudson Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
50-ish woman #1: I had this fish for lunch, and it was sooo salty!
50-ish woman #2: Was it? Well, it is from the ocean, you know.
50-ish woman #1: No, it was seasoned with too much salt.
50-ish woman #2: It doesn’t even have to be seasoned! It’s from the ocean!
Elevator, 16th Street and JFK Boulevard
New York, New York
Old guy: Small fish and chips.
Italian vendor: The fish aren’t ready — 10 minutes.
Old guy: What? I’m very deaf.
Italian vendor: The fish aren’t ready — 10 minutes!
Old guy: What? I can’t hear you.
Italian vendor: No fish! Have a look here [points to other menu items].
Old guy: I can’t see so well. Just get me a fish and chips.
Italian vendor: No fish!
Old guy: Why are you talking to me?! I can’t hear well! Just get me a fish.
Italian vendor: No fish!
Old guy: Are you stupid? I’m deaf and nearly blind, just get me a fish and chips! God, you’d think you didn’t have any fish!
Edinburgh, Scotland
United Kingdom
Man: Oooh, whatever was on my finger tasted good! I wonder what it was…
Dallas, Texas
Waitress: What can I get for you this evening?
Tourist: My brother here really wants to try some sushi, but he’s never had any.
Brother: I’m afraid I can’t handle the sushi.
Waitress: Oh, honey, no man can handle the sushi.
Sushi Samba
New York, New York
Sophomore: Dude, I really want a taco right now, but it’s early in the morning…
Friend, leaning in: Nah, that depends on what kind of taco you’re talking about. There are different kind of tacos… Heh, heh, you know what I mean?
Sophomore: Dude, shut up!
University of Texas
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: thanks Captain Obvious
