Female patient: Oh! You’re getting married next month?
Male patient: Trust me, you’re better off joining the Army and getting sent to Iraq.
Waiting room, East 49th Street
New York, New York
Female patient: Oh! You’re getting married next month?
Male patient: Trust me, you’re better off joining the Army and getting sent to Iraq.
Waiting room, East 49th Street
New York, New York
Teen #1: How far do you think this sweat drop will fly if I smack it with a hammer?
Teen #2: Hey, yeah, like CSI! Your forehead is real sweaty; smack it first.
Habitat for Humanity build site
Mississippi Gulf Coast
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Employee #1: Dave*, you’re what, 27? You’re too young to get married. You need to wait until you’re 35 and then marry a 23 year old. Birthing is just “bam! bam! bam!”– brutal on them. So you need to marry young.
Employee #2: So I need to work here for 8 years and marry a girl who is just graduating from here?
Employee #3: Start looking, man. She’s in high school now.
Employee #2: She’d be what, 15? Hey, Jim*, how old are your daughters?
Employee #1: 13 and 15…Shut up!
3800 Victory Parkway
Cincinnati, Ohio
Rep on phone with trucker: You do know you can’t drive your rig into the ocean, right? That’s bad…Oh, okay. Well, I hope you have a nice view.
1368 Old Fannin Road, Suite 400
Brandon, Mississippi
Female employee: Man, I’m soo busy today. Why is everyone taking advantage of me?
Male employee: I dunno.
Female employee: Oh well, maybe I just let people take advantage of me. It’s just easier that way.
Male employee: Some advice: don’t ever say that in a bar.
Motorola, 1301 East Algonquin Road
Chicago, Illinois
Voice over the PA: If you see people in camouflage running around with guns and hear explosions, it is okay.
Hall Drive
Wilmington, Delaware
Overheard by: Zarbettu
Customer: Can you draw something on the cake for me?
Employee: Sure, what do you want on it?
Customer: A dick.
Employee: I can do you one better. We’ve got these chocolate-covered bananas, and chocolate-covered cookie dough balls. I can put an edible, chocolate-covered dick and balls on your cake.
Customer: Fucking awesome!
Manager, walking in: Uh, what are you doing?
Employee: Making a dick cake.
Manager: Woo! Makin’ a dick cake!
Ben & Jerry’s, East Village
New York, New York
Overheard by: Sam
Employee on phone: You are a psycho if you think you’ll break up with me over the phone!…What am I supposed to say to a psycho?…What am I supposed to say to a psycho?…What am I supposed to say to a psycho?!
Co-Worker: For my sake, you can say goodbye to a psycho!
5760 Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi
Overheard by: Brain Dancing
Co-Worker #1: Don’t say “big business.” They’ll just write us off as anti-corporate crazies.
Co-Worker #2: But we are anti-corporate crazies.
Pause.
Co-Worker #1: Yes…but we don’t want to be written off as anti-corporate crazies nonetheless.
1700 Connecticut Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: ECO
Coworker: It’s easy to determine who needs to take a sexual harassment class; just ask the person if “harass” is one word or two. If they say two, they need to take the class.
1200 Sovereign Row
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Overheard by: Not the guy who needs the class
