Professor: Given the above table, who thinks penguin milk has less fat than seal milk?

Half the class raises their hands.

Professor: How many think penguin milk has more fat than seal milk?

Other half raises their hands.

Professor to TA: This is a bad sign.

UC Davis
Davis, California

Overheard by: someone easily tricked at 8am sans coffee

Boss: Are we not paying you enough, that you have to come in wearing those shoes?
Cute female receptionist: What's wrong with my shoes?
Boss: They're covered in scuff marks.
Cute female receptionist: Stop being so superficial! And they're not scuff marks, it's pigeon crap.

Madison Ave
New York City, New York

Overheard by: Dasma

Co-worker: She is just the sweetest dog…except she likes to bite kids in the face.

625 Cherry Street
Columbia, Missouri

Woman peon: David* always reminds me of Dr. Evil.
Man peon: Just because he is bald?
Woman peon: Well, his newborn son has no hair, either, and looks just like him. It’s just like Mini-Me. All he needs is a shaved cat.
Man peon: I never understood the shaved cat thing. What’s up with a shaved cat? Do you shave your cat?
Woman peon: No, I don’t have a cat. I have allergies.
Man peon: Really?

Landings Drive
Mountain View, California

Office cougar: I figure I'll just overwhelm him with great sex and he'll completely forget he's allergic to cats!

Reading, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: princess pink

Sales #1: There’s lint on your shoulder.
Sales #2: Oh.
Sales #1: Here, I’ll pick it off. Wait, here’s Scotch tape; that works better.
Sales #2: I feel like those monkeys that pick bugs off each other’s heads and backs.

712 South Hacienda Drive
Tempe, Arizona

Chairman: It will be easy, like pulling a greasy stick out a dog’s arse.
Employee: That’s all well and good, but we have to get the greasy stick in there first!

Cumbria, England

Maintenance idiot: How do you think they came up with that whole groundhog thing?
Electronics clerk: What groundhog thing?
Maintenance idiot: You know, the groundhog sees his shadow and we have six more months of winter. How do you think they came up with that idea?
Electronics clerk: Ummmm… It’s six weeks…
Maintenance idiot: I bet it was all of those animal activist settlers back when they came to America, or something.
Electronics clerk: Animal activist settlers?

Ft. Smith, Arkansas

Overheard by: i love my job

Diner: Well, you know, when she was young she just liked to sleep with dead animals under her pillow.

Denver, Colorado

Male coworker: Dugong! I wonder what dugongs taste like.
Female coworker: Hippos?
Male coworker: Except saltier.

South Africa

Overheard by: EnvironmentalScientistsAreWeird