Five-year-old girl, reading book about whales: Hey mom, does a baby whale really come out of a mama whale's butt?
Mom: Hmmm…
Hygienist: Oh my god, did anyone else hear that?

Dentist Office
Augusta, Georgia

Federal employee to coworker in ladies’ room: Darlene, how long is a dog pregnant?

L’Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Just a contractor

Coworker #1 to coworker #2, wearing a cast: What did you do to your hand?
Coworker #2: I broke my thumb.
Coworker #1: You need your thumb. That's what makes you not a monkey!

Titusville, Florida

Overheard by: Hoss

Art department staff member to intern: We need a camel that looks sexually harassed.

Los Angeles, California

Is This a New Trend We're Missing?

Sales rep: I have been waiting for this woman to show up for so long that my clients are looking at me like I am a monkey humping a football.

Clearwater, Florida

Elderly Boss: I need you to plug in this lamp for me.
Employee: Are you asking me to crawl [under your desk]?
Elderly Boss: You’re the only one who can. You’re my monkey.

703 McKinney Avenue
Dallas, Texas

Coworker: So she was telling me she had no money to pay her bill because she invested all her money into a llama farm, and then the llamas got slaughtered.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: WD40

CEO: It’s like the dog and the tail. The tail is the reward and happiness. The dog is how you get there, the hard work.

460 Phillip Street
Waterloo, Ontario

Annoying cubette: So I say to him: “Look at Lucy*’s toes. Now look at John*’s toes.” And he’s like: “What?” And then he looks and sees he’s got seven of them and he’s like: “Wahhhh!”
Sane cubette: How many cats do you have?

Morris Plains, New Jersey

Overheard by: intern in the next cube

Butch chick: I read The Lion and the Mouse when I was young! It's a story about how the lion got a thorn in his paw and the mouse helped him remove it, and they became friends.
Normal chick: What a stupid lion, why didn't he just eat the mouse?
Butch chick: It's a story of morality for children! Help someone, be friendly!
Normal chick: So?
Butch chick: You don't eat your friends!

Melbourne Central

Overheard by: Incognito