Animals

Five-year-old girl, reading book about whales: Hey mom, does a baby whale really come out of a mama whale's butt?
Mom: Hmmm…
Hygienist: Oh my god, did anyone else hear that?

Dentist Office
Augusta, Georgia

Federal employee to coworker in ladies’ room: Darlene, how long is a dog pregnant?

L’Enfant Plaza
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Just a contractor

Coworker #1 to coworker #2, wearing a cast: What did you do to your hand?
Coworker #2: I broke my thumb.
Coworker #1: You need your thumb. That's what makes you not a monkey!

Titusville, Florida

Overheard by: Hoss

Art department staff member to intern: We need a camel that looks sexually harassed.

Los Angeles, California

Is This a New Trend We're Missing?

Sales rep: I have been waiting for this woman to show up for so long that my clients are looking at me like I am a monkey humping a football.

Clearwater, Florida

Elderly Boss: I need you to plug in this lamp for me.
Employee: Are you asking me to crawl [under your desk]?
Elderly Boss: You’re the only one who can. You’re my monkey.

703 McKinney Avenue
Dallas, Texas

Coworker: So she was telling me she had no money to pay her bill because she invested all her money into a llama farm, and then the llamas got slaughtered.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: WD40

CEO: It’s like the dog and the tail. The tail is the reward and happiness. The dog is how you get there, the hard work.

460 Phillip Street
Waterloo, Ontario
Canadia

Annoying cubette: So I say to him: “Look at Lucy*’s toes. Now look at John*’s toes.” And he’s like: “What?” And then he looks and sees he’s got seven of them and he’s like: “Wahhhh!”
Sane cubette: How many cats do you have?

Morris Plains, New Jersey

Overheard by: intern in the next cube

Butch chick: I read The Lion and the Mouse when I was young! It's a story about how the lion got a thorn in his paw and the mouse helped him remove it, and they became friends.
Normal chick: What a stupid lion, why didn't he just eat the mouse?
Butch chick: It's a story of morality for children! Help someone, be friendly!
Normal chick: So?
Butch chick: You don't eat your friends!

Borders
Melbourne Central
Australia

Overheard by: Incognito