Physical Appearance

Female coworker, about current object of infatuation: Oh…he is so cute, you have to see him. I just love him. I will bring in his mugshot.
Male coworker: He has a mugshot?
Female coworker: Yeah, but he only beats his girlfriends when he is on drugs. He is so sweet. He used to save me a seat on the bus when we were in school.

Mountville, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Mindy

Female employee #1: I thought the least I could do to get ready for my cruise is getting a pedicure.
Female employee #2: Are you going to a bikini wax too?
Female employee #1: No, getting a pedicure is already almost too girly for me.
Female employee #2: C’mon Andrea*, once you have it done, you will be amazed at how neat and pretty it can be down there.
Female employee #1: No way! I like to be “all natural,” including down there if you know what I mean.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Em-bare-ssed

Cube rat: Hell, we were finding underwear on top of the refrigerator for two weeks.

400 N 5th Street
Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: AndyDan

Not Even Pills Can Deliver That.

Female peon: I want to wear flats… I mean, my doctor promised me three more inches…
IT guy: Mine too.

Manhattan, New York

Admin #1, screaming: I'm toothless! I'm toothless! My bridge fell out. It fell under my desk!
Admin #2 to admin #3: We can only hope it was her front teeth.

Rochelle Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: hellbitch

Warehouse manager to engineer: Hello, Vice President tight pants! (salutes)

Aliso Viejo, California

Cube dweller: You sonofabitch, you’re getting a goddamn manicure! If you don’t, I’m going to rip your goddamn nails off, because you don’t deserve them!

Office, Soho
New York, New York

Overheard by: Nervous Co-worker

Employee #1, on boss's outfit: You look very “navy” today!
Retired officer: Yup, blue and gold all the way! You should see my underwear.
Employee #2: And now the conversation's over.

Navy Yard
Washington, DC

Shoe store girl #1: You look tired all the time.
Shoe store girl #2: Well, I think it’s my allergies. I’m allergic to cats and I like to rub mine on my face all the time.
Shoe store girl #1: Oh.

Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington

Office drone: If they had Spam and Slim Jims, martians wouldn't be so short.

Tulsa, Oklahoma