Physical Appearance

Suit: Um, you have some sort of foreign object in your hair.
Electrician: Yeah, they threw confetti at me at the last office.

111 West Ocean Boulevard
Long Beach, California

Copywriter: I was accosted by a woman with a French accent at the mall at lunch today.
Art Director: Really? How odd.
Copywriter: Yeah, she buffed my nails and I purchased her product. Only now am I remembering the accent as being fake.
Art Director: I had a run in with the cops over lunch.

930 South Calhoun Street
Fort Wayne, Indiana

Boss to assistant wearing turquoise earrings: Oh, wow, it's like cinco de mayo!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: What do you even say to that

Cube monkey girl: I don't have any gray hairs on my head, but I have a gray patch down there.
Male coworker: Those are cobwebs, not gray hairs.

Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess

Woman: Don, can you hang this on the wall, because you are tall?
Man: I hate being tall… People are always asking me to do things. Maybe next time I drop a coin I will ask a midget to pick it up.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Male employee #1: I am going out on a date tonight with a 4'11″ Filipina. She runs triathlons.
Male employee #2: That's short. You know, her head will be at about your stomach.
Male employee #1, after long pause: I kind of want her to break me.

Sacramento, California

Your Editors Were Shock-G-ed to See How Long Ago That Was

Business analyst on phone: Hey, what do you need? The name of the user guide? It's the digital one… No, the digital guide. You know, like Digital Underground, only without Tupac… No, biggie wasn't in Digital Underground… Humpty Hump was… No, the guy with the gold nose… Okay, it's “h”… “u”… “m”…

Chantilly, Virginia

Overheard by: CubeRat

Peon: Did you see that chick last night? She was so hot. After the meeting, Eric* made a beeline for her.
Co-worker: Oh, yeah? She was hot?
Peon: Well, in the real world she was probably like a 7, but in the lawyer world, she’s like a 12.

West Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Julianna

Manager: You know, breast augmentation is becoming a much more popular as a graduation gift.

715 Locust Street
Des Moines, Iowa

Manager: Yeah, so at this new salon I can get my hair highlighted for $120, and that includes the shampoo, haircut, and blow job.

Bethesda, Maryland