Guy: I’m looking for my daughter. She was going to meet us at McDonalds, but it’s closed, so I need to tell her.
Woman: Oh, is she a very pretty girl?
Guy: Not really.
Woman: Oh.
1535 Bacharach Boulevard
Atlantic City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Lauren
Customer: Does this come in black?
Store clerk: Yes. [walks off]
Department store, Rockville Pike
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Doctor Whom
Twentysomething new hire: Why is there a Harry Potter picture in our lobby?
Fortysomething manager: Actually that’s a painting of John Lennon.
Silicon Valley, California
Overheard by: Pop Culturally Literate
Large lady: You know if you are a Goth, they take your children away.
Old lady: That’s not true! I have ten children, and I wear a lot of black clothing.
North Station Commuter Rail
Boston, Massachusetts
Admin: Do you know who dropped this off?
Manceptionist: No
Admin: Well, then do you know what they looked like?
Manceptionist: An old white lady with curly hair.
Admin: Are you sure she wasn’t a black man, because Allan* said it was a forty-year-old black guy.
Office manager: Not unless he rolled himself in baby powder before he came in here.
Manceptionist: No. The black guy dropped off a manilla envelope and the old lady dropped off that.
Admin: This is a manilla envelope.
Manceptionist: Oh, then yeah the black guy dropped it off.
Allan: Well the black guy was definitely more attractive.
Office manager: And now we know which way you swing.
3520 Lancaster Avenue
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Buyer: It’s great. We bought a ton of old Levi’s jeans dirt cheap, scuffed them up, and are selling them for two hundred dollars apiece.
Store manager: That’s genius! How much are we paying you again?
729 East Lancaster Road
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Genevieve
Office manager: I finally got pants on my monkey. But his tail won’t go through the hole.
8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina
Designer: Do you ever wonder if some of the girls here were hired for their looks? Oh, I’m not talking about you — I know you were hired because you’re a good writer.
312 Plum Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Worker: I like my shirt, but I’m afraid my boobs are going to fall out. Which would be fine somewhere else, but not here. That’s how I feel about all my clothes: “great for not here.”
3900 West Alameda Avenue
Burbank, California
Co-worker #1: So how’s your belly button?
Co-worker #2: Um…it’s okay.
Co-worker #1: You know my dad’s scar looks like he has 3 belly buttons.
Co-worker #2: Oh yeah? Well, my friend’s isn’t even in the right place. It’s like way down here.
Intern #1: So it’s like she has a extra vag?
Intern #2: This is like the weirdest thing I’ve heard at work.
600 Water Street SW
Washington, DC
Overheard by: ADS
