Worker: So the Christmas party is mandatory?
Boss: Of course not, but if you don’t show you’ll probably be ostracized.
Worker: …And I have to sign a waiver to drink?
Boss: Do you think a company of lawyers would let everyone drink, then drive, and not cover their asses?
962 Coronado Boulevard
Universal City, Texas
VP: There is only so much you can do with one hand.
Co-worker: I’m not going to touch that.
910 Lousiana Street
Assistant Building Emergency Coordinator: Why don’t we have the security officers make the evacuation announcements? They are located next to the building PA system.
Manager: I am not sure they are qualified and capable of using the microphone to make announcements.
600 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Head of sales: You came to this meeting on Monday morning and you know I’m going to be asking questions. So even if you don’t know the answers, make some shit up. You’re in sales, you have to sell, so make shit up!
New York, NY
Accountant on speaker: Okay, I tried entering my password and it didn’t work.
Tech: I reset it to “password.”
Accountant on speaker: Okay, let me try my password again.
Tech: Make sure you type “password.”
Accountant on speaker: It didn’t work again.
Tech: Iou typed far too many letters for the word “password.” Did you type in “password” as your password?
Accountant on speaker: Yu never told me to do that.
Tech: So what part of my sentance confused you: “Type in the word
‘password’ when it asks you for your password”, or “I reset it for you, your password is now ‘password.'”
Accountant on speaker: I have a CPA, don’t talk to me like that.
Tech: I can make up acronyms too. I’ll be in your office in five
minutes. In the meantime, ponder this one: I’m OMGWTF certified.
220 Woodbine Road
Worker: Dude, come look at my cubicle.
Manager: You mean you weren’t working?
Worker: No, I had to decorate.
1700 Market Street
Boss: So with his experience, he will help us ferret those waters.
930 South Calhoun Street
Fort Wayne, Indiana
Nurse #1: But don’t be swayed by the money.
Nurse #2: I’m not swayed by the money. I like being poor.
157 East 86th Street
New York, NY
Overheard by: Kira
Analyst #1: I hate going into that lunchroom when the people from claims are in there having a potluck.
Analyst #2: I know, it’s like the bar scene in Star Wars.
4645 East Cotton Center Bouelvard