Manager: Go home every day and watch Dukes of Hazzard. Problem solved.
Friendly’s Ice Cream
Convent Station, New Jersey
X‑ray tech getting off phone: My son wants me to come home so bad. My kids always get like that when they are sick.
Coworker: Well, isn’t your husband at home with him?
X‑ray tech: Yes, but they always want me instead — they are so attached. It’s probably because I used to sing them this really cute song when they were babies.
Coworker: What’s that?
X‑ray tech: ‘Mommy’s your best friend, Mommy’s your best friend, Daddy’s your second best friend!’
Overheard by: Thugalicious Baller
Manager on phone: Yeah, I’ve got a little apartment on the gay side of the French quarter. Sometimes in the morning I have to beat them off to get out my doorway.
4621 West Napoleon Avenue
Overheard by: PeauxBoy
Employee on phone with customer: I just need to do a couple of other things, cross my Xs and circle my Os. Then I can get back to you.
Staten Island, New York
Overheard by: That Staten Island Guy
Cube monkey: Why do things that happen to stupid people always happen to me?
Sex Toy Company
Las Vegas, Nevada
Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess
Office worker: Do you know what that meeting was about?
Office worker: But, what did we talk about?
Manager: Don’t know, don’t care, anyway, the cookies were nice.
Office worker: They were, weren’t they?
Overheard by: bewildered
Co‐worker #1: Wanna go eat lunch with us? We’re having Ethiopian.
Co‐worker #2: Ew! You’re going to be eating beetles and shit.
Co‐worker #3: Do we have to bring our own leaf to eat off of?
214 West 39th Street
New York, New York
Sales guy to coworker: Why did anyone vote for Obama? Because he’s a good oracle? Big deal if he speaks good…
Office worker on speakerphone: Hello.
Creepy customer: I was just sitting here eating some creamed corn and thinking about you so I thought that I would give you a call.
Office worker: Please hold and I will transfer you to my supervisor.
65‐something delivery man to 30‐something female receptionist, as she bends over to lift printer:
Oh, wait, let me do that. I don’t want you to hurt your ovaries.