All I Said Was “Hi”

Intern: My uterus is dry‐heaving.
Supervisor: Wow.

242 West 38th Street
New York, New York

Overheard by: Sarah

Sergeant: I need you to call an ambulance for a 32‐year‐old pregnant woman.
Control room operator: What do I tell them is wrong with her?
Sergeant: Well, she’s pregnant!

Clark County Detention Center
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: cro

Admin: You know that guy upstairs? Dan*? He pinched me with a pair of tweezers on that fatty bit you get on your hips and it *really hurt*. So I went back and burned him with a spoon.


Suit #1: All my clients complain that the questionnaire package we require is too onerous.
Suit #2: Really? I never get any complaint about ours.
Boss: Well, have you ever seen his package? Maybe you two should get together and compare packages. 

245 3rd Avenue
New York, NY 

Manager: Everybody who was smoking pot in here last night is fired! … Okay, looks like I have a vacant building.

Schenectady, New York

Overheard by: fired

Pharmacist: Okay, that prescription will be filled in 45 minutes.
Old man: Oh my, I’ll be dead by then!

Santa Barbara, California

Chiropractor to patient: We are both usually adjusting at the same time, so it is hard to pin down one another.

Englewood, Colorado

Overheard by: Receptionist

Salesperson to another: Wow! I like your new pants? (pause) Do they fit you?

Plattsburgh, New York

Cube guy #1: Yeah, you should go to the overseas office if you get a chance, they treat you real nice there.
Cube guy #2: Really?
Cube guy #1: Yeah, they were real good to me.
Cube guy #2: Yeah? They give you the reach‐around?
Supervisor, walking by on the way to his office: What? 

Austin, Texas

Cube neighbor, after getting off phone with daughter: Oh, my kids!
Warehouse employee, walking by: We should all kill our kids. Oh, wait, did I say that out loud?

Irvine, California

Overheard by: scared cube‐dweller