Salesguy: Hon? No, i didn’t call her “hon”. . . I don’t even call my wife “hon.” Isn’t that one of those… terms of endearmeants? Is that what it’s called? [Pause] I do use the B-word a lot.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Coworker #1: I think he had some kind of superdog
Coworker #2: What is a Superdog?
Coworker #1: I think they are dogs that do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to retarded kids or something.
Coworker #2: Oh… okay, yeah, I know the ones.

5885 NW Cornelius Pass Road
Hillsboro, Oregon

Overheard by: Curious Listener

CSR #1: A guy on line 260 needs pricing.
Tech: His name is Pricing?
CSR #2: No, his name is “A guy.”

4123 E La Palma
Anaheim, California

Office manager: I finally got pants on my monkey. But his tail won’t go through the hole.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Attorney Jim*: So is this what the embarassed silence sounds like?
Attorney Keith*: Yes. I feel awful.
Attorney Lou*: I’d give Jim’s right nut to be asleep right now.
Keith: Totally. I don’t know what time you guys left, but I didn’t get home until 2.
Jim: I’m not sure what time we left either. But the tattoo parlor was closed. That I’m definite on.
Keith: Oh, that’s too bad. I wish the room would stop spinning.
Attorney Mark*: I feel amazing today. There is nothing like coming in completely hungover and talking to Natasha* about how retarded she is. Lou, I killed you in our drink contest. You had like five wines. You’re a lightweight.
Jim: Hey Mark, how’s that hickey on the side of you face, you homo?

717 Madison Place NW
Washington, DC

Guy on phone: Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t get the fax?
Pause
Guy on phone: Well I specifically wrote on the fax cover sheet, “If you don’t get this, call me.”

265 Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Overheard by: Ray Del Savio

Employee: Do you have the budget?
Executive: Yeah, I just don’t know where Dingle Farts put it, you know, Marcus*.
Employee: You know you’re on speakerphone, right?
Pause
Employee and executive erupt in laughter.
Pause
Executive: He’s right there, isn’t he? He’s always right there, lurking…

6423 Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Office manager: Ohh, this one speaks Spanish.
Sales guy: Where’s he from?
Office manager: No, no, he’s an English guy that speaks Spanish.
Sales guy: Oh!
Office manager: So he can translate everything that Ramiro* in the warehouse is trying to tell us!
Sales guy: Plus one for the Spanish-speaker!

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Coworker on phone: Hello? Hi honey. Yes? No, no. Mayonnaise. M-A-Y-O-N-E-S. M-A-Y-O-N-E-S. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise? M. A. Y. O. N. N. A. I. S. E. Mayonnaise? Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. Okay, see you tonight.

1150 Amsterdam Avenue
New York, New York

Paralegal: I hate looking at his face. Ruins my whole day.
Secretary: I know. I want to throw my shoe at him or something.
Paralegal: Ok, but can you make sure I’m there to see it?

overheard by: their boss

100 F Street
Washington, DC