Office Manager: How do you go out to lunch and come back with a huge cucumber?
Employee: How do men go out at night and come back with hookers?
Office Manager: Huh?
Employee: It’s the same basic principle.
110 N. Washington Street
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: Joan
CFO: I had a hamster once. His name was MC Hamster.
Manhattan, New York
Overheard by: Elisabeth
Attorney: Is this the drawer that’s broken?
Co-worker: Yes. I’ve already told you how to fix it. I mean, it’s not as serious as cancer.
Attorney: Thank you for that assessment.
1999 Harrison Street
Oakland, California
Guy on cell: So, see, I never said nothin' to Elise*. If I was gonna say somethin' 'bout Elise, I would'a gone through Amber*. I wouldn't never say nuthin' about Elise to Amber, see. It's a respect thing. There's a process you got to go through. If I have something to say about Elise, I gotta go through Marsha*.
Richmond, Virginia
Guy #1: I heard she is a squatter.
Guy #2: Really, she has no place to live?
Guy #1: No, she squats above the toilet seat and goes to the bathroom. It gets everywhere so HR is going to talk to her.
Guy #2: Can you imagine what the bathroom in her house must look like?
9740 Irvine Boulevard
Irvine, California
Man on phone: Man I saw plenty of dogs in Shanghai, and I gotta tell you they weren't eating them!
Chinatown
Washington, DC
IT: Yeah, seems like your floor plate is damaged, you’re going to have to clear your books so they can fix it.
Worker: “Books”? is that like cookies on your computer?
IT: …
4 Times Square
New York, NY
Overheard by: KaotiXX
President yelling at CFO: You eat an elephant one bite at a time, but we're trying to swallow it whole and we're starting with the tusks!
Elmsford, New York
Overheard by: Bored Beyond Belief
Pale girl: Look at these freckles on the back of my hand. Oh, my — what is this dark ring?!
Smoker: That’s called a tan.
130 East Randolph Street
Chicago, Illinois
Employee: Not to be ruder than I already am, but did she have a huge head? I mean, it was, like, ghetto-big.
Theater box office
Everett, Washington
Overheard by: I thought it was more ’80s than ghetto