Flight attendant #1: I used to get high before studying for tests. Did you ever try it?
Flight attendant #2: No, no, I never did that.
Flight attendant #1: It really works… Hey, did you study the new rules for flights shorter than two hours? Lots of information.
Flight attendant #2: Are you high right now?
Flight attendant #1: … Why do you ask?

United flight
Nebraska

Overheard by: Ken

Tech steward: Daniel Radcliffe — I’d rob that cradle.
Receptionists: Ewww!
Tech steward: Whatever. He’s legal in Britain.

22nd and Walnut Streets
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Emily G

Boss: Oh, you met Beth* from the London office? How old did she look?
Woman on phone: Oh, well, she looked older than me, so she must in her 50s. Then again, sometimes people look older than me, but they turn out to be only 35.
Boss: Cigarette smokers.
Woman on phone: … And meth addicts.

Sears Tower
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: 22 and never doing meth

Boss: I want Joan* helicoptered into this afternoon’s meeting.
Peon: But Joan works in this building. She could just walk.
Boss: I wasn’t being literal — it’s a metaphysical helicopter.

Aberdeen
Scotland

Overheard by: metaphysical, my arse

Worker #1: Wow, that’s a large bush, Pat*.
Worker #2: Yeah…
Worker #1: I mean, it’s nice! Do you think it’s large?
Worker #2: A little, but I like it.

1700 Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: stephanie

Woman, before using phone: Don’t listen to me — I have to lie.

745 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Peon to another at two-hour mark in meeting: I’d poop in my chair if I thought it would make this meeting more interesting.

Lakewood, Colorado

Overheard by: Couldn’t have hurt — mighta helped

Customer to help desk support: My gun told me to call you guys.

Airport Road
Roanoke, Virginia

Overheard by: Alan

Manager: Earlier today my dad almost got eaten alive by our chickens.

7th Street NW
Washington, DC

Boss on phone with client: So, what’s been going on? In a new company? You spreading your legs and taking it all in?

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: only female in the office