Girl #1: So I was about to put my tongue in…
Girl #2: Ew, was it hairy?
Girl #1: Yeah, but his mom called, so I didn’t have to.

College office
Gainesville, Florida

Overheard by: uh…

Woman: You know I’m afraid of birds, don’t you? It’s because of that movie and the time my mother burned down a gas station.

Cal State Northridge
Northridge, California

Overheard by: Scott

Trainee: Would you mind closing that window? The cold air is making my skin peel off.

London
England

Coworker on phone: Do you have a Mac or a real computer?

Bowling Green, Ohio

Bearded employee: Man, I think I have beer on my glasses.

Anchorage, Alaska

Overheard by: Laughing Librarian

Front desk girl: What was that thing in the Lost Objects box?
Manager: A penis. Huge one.
Front desk girl: The maid found it in a room?
Manager: In the fridge.

Hotel
Montréal
Canadia

Overheard by: Grossed Out Customer

Old guy, about computer monitor: What do you all stare at on these things?

745 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Worker bee #1: So, how did your party go this weekend?
Worker bee #2: It went good other than my husband didn’t help very much. When I was getting everything ready, guess what he was doing?
Worker bee #1: What?
Worker bee #2: I started looking for him everywhere. Then I decided to look outside, and I caught him in the backyard jacking off.

Burnett Plaza
Ft. Worth, Texas

Manager: What’s this? Everyone acts stupid all of a sudden.

2300 Plano Parkway
Plano, Texas

Overheard by: Lauren

Boss pointing to bathroom stall: If you need me, I’ll be in my office, haha.
Employee: Um, I’m not gonna ask you anything while you’re taking a shit.
Boss: Oh, I’m not taking a shit. I’m just gonna sit in there and play Tetris on my phone.

Dexter Avenue
Seattle, Washington