Manager: At this point we’re only hiring servers who I know will do a really great job.
Waitress #1, with a wink: That’s why I was hired, right? ‘Cause you knew I’d do an awesome job?
Manager: Yes.
Waitress #2: I think I was hired because the regional manager liked me.
Manager: No, you were hired because the restaurant had just opened and we would have hired anybody.
Peppers Ferry Road
Christiansburg, Virginia
- Posted on
- Bosses and Underlings, Insults, Virginia
Cube dweller: The ranch is very weird today. Not weird-bad, but weird-tangy. It’s like they put some extra zest in it. [Later] Maybe that ranch wasn’t tangy so much as… gone bad.
11150 Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
- Posted on
- California, Dumb Employees, Meals and Snacks
Director: I guess he was too busy measuring gonads. That’s what he does — measures gonads.
11 West Jones Street
Raleigh, North Carolina
Overheard by: How big are they?
- Posted on
- Consultants, Gossip, North Carolina
Worker bee: In a perfect world everyone should smell like pizza.
Hemel Hempstead
UK
Overheard by: I’d prefer fresh-cut grass
- Posted on
- Coworkers, General Idiocy, UK
Worker on phone: It’s covered in poo — what do I do?!
Fancy chocolate store, Stony Point Fashion Park
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Yum-yum
- Posted on
- On the phone, Questions, Virginia
Boss: When, in the course of your life, you are traveling to the right you will find that you must take the toll road and pay your dues. There is no free road to the right.
Employee: Uh… Can I have my doughnut now?
Bountiful, Utah
Overheard by: tkt
- Posted on
- Bosses and Underlings, Philosophy, Utah
Little kid: Hey, you want to come to my birthday party? It’s all about hunting and killing and stuff.
TA: Um, I’ll think about it.
Little kid: Listen, your mom isn’t your boss anymore.
Sherwood Street
Missoula, Montana
Overheard by: Casey
Waiter: Is it your birthday today?
Customer: No.
Waiter: Oh, sorry. It’s just that there are a lot of birthdays this year.
Minot, North Dakota
Overheard by: Taggart Snyder
- Posted on
- General Idiocy, Midwest, North Dakota, Service, United States
Drone #1: Hey, where were you Saturday night? The ladies were all up on this.
Drone #2: I went to a birthday party.
Drone #1: Hehehehe… What a dumb waste of time. Whose birthday party was it?
Drone #2: Mine.
Drone #1: Oh… Happy birthday.
377 South Oyster Bay Road
Plainview, New York
Overheard by: tonyg
- Posted on
- Insults, Metro Northeast, New York, United States
Senior director to group of scientists: Well, it’s not like they’re just licking each other’s boobies!
Bay Area, California
Overheard by: marblecargirl
