Visitor making fresh coffee in break room: Does this office make coffee with one packet or two?
Employee: Usually one… But there are factions…

1920 East Parham Road
Richmond, Virginia

Medical dispatcher giving CPR instructions: Now straddle his lips with your hips…

San Jose, California

Overheard by: firechick

Office chick #1: I’m scared of the men’s room. I think it’s the urinal…
Office chick #2: I’m scared of that little thing in the men’s room.
Office chick #1: What little thing?
Office chick #2: You know — that little wooden thing. It used to be in our bathroom… It looks like a little totem pole.

Newtown Square, Pennsylvania

Receptionist: Well, I wouldn’t know. I don’t go into the men’s room.
Cintas lady: That’s where I get most of my pleasure at!

8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Nikki

Office monkey #1: I’m sure it’ll be fine.
Office monkey #2: But what if it isn’t?
Office monkey #3: Then it won’t be.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Office monkey #4

Female coworker: Do you think you can have your nipples removed? I mean, I would never do it, but for a man? He doesn’t need them. They don’t breastfeed, so they’re totally useless. I would be disturbed if I ever saw a man lactating… Yeah, this is why I shouldn’t think.

Doughnut shop
Quincy, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Disturbed Coworker

Boss: The nice thing is, we’re no longer people who care!

202 West 1st Street
Los Angeles, California

Female cube dweller #1: I just got a massage for the first time.
Female cube dweller #2: How was it?
Female cube dweller #1: Girl, it was amazing. He had me get naked and even gave me a complimentary breast massage.
Male cube dweller: Wait… Wait… I don’t think he was supposed to do that.
Female cube dweller #1: Really? I don’t see why not… Really? Shit, I didn’t know that.
Male cube dweller: Yeah, he violated you. You can report him and he can lose his license for doing something like that.
Female cube dweller #1: Well, I don’t care — he was fine anyway. I’ll probably call him for another one.
Male cube dweller: You’re an idiot!

1455 Chancellor Drive
Orlando, Florida

Copywriter: Have you seen Terri*? I have to ask her about her G-spot.

Sex toy company
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Sex Writer Goddess

Office girl: He was murdered outside that bar.
Office guy: Oh my god! I remember that. It was on the news. You knew him?
Office girl: Yeah! I got his microwave!

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia