Bearded employee: Man, I think I have beer on my glasses.

Anchorage, Alaska

Overheard by: Laughing Librarian

Front desk girl: What was that thing in the Lost Objects box?
Manager: A penis. Huge one.
Front desk girl: The maid found it in a room?
Manager: In the fridge.

Hotel
Montréal
Canadia

Overheard by: Grossed Out Customer

Old guy, about computer monitor: What do you all stare at on these things?

745 Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts

Worker bee #1: So, how did your party go this weekend?
Worker bee #2: It went good other than my husband didn’t help very much. When I was getting everything ready, guess what he was doing?
Worker bee #1: What?
Worker bee #2: I started looking for him everywhere. Then I decided to look outside, and I caught him in the backyard jacking off.

Burnett Plaza
Ft. Worth, Texas

Manager: What’s this? Everyone acts stupid all of a sudden.

2300 Plano Parkway
Plano, Texas

Overheard by: Lauren

Boss pointing to bathroom stall: If you need me, I’ll be in my office, haha.
Employee: Um, I’m not gonna ask you anything while you’re taking a shit.
Boss: Oh, I’m not taking a shit. I’m just gonna sit in there and play Tetris on my phone.

Dexter Avenue
Seattle, Washington

Scientist #1 to intern, smacking him in the face with a latex glove: I challenge you to a duel! [Intern rolls his eyes and walks away.] Interns these days — they don’t have a sense of humor.
Scientist #2: Does it really matter? He could be a psycho serial killer, but as long as he does my work for me I don’t really care.

701 East Pratt Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Designer: I’m bored and all the bathrooms are full.

605 Lakeview Drive
Springdale, Arizona

Overheard by: so what?

Worker #1: How much fiber do you think is in a bat?
Worker #2: Not a lot.
Worker #1, surprised: Really?
Worker #2: Well… It’s not like a bat is a vegetable.

Hospital
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Xen

Software developer to web designer: Our toilets don’t flush, so we don’t need cable television anymore. This is not a metaphor.

5th Avenue
Ann Arbor, Michigan

Overheard by: Logic Impaired