Chain-Smoker, during heat wave: Smoking does keep you active and engaged with the heat.
750 Third Avenue
New York, New York
So You Admit It's Possible?
Coworker #1, looking at whitewater rafting photos that coworker #2 is in: Those are really good pictures, did you take them?
Coworker #2: Uh, no, I'm in the raft, so that would be kinda difficult.
Beverly Hills, California
Whipping Political Slaves Keeps the Weight in Check
Visiting European account manager: Hello [Katie], how nice to see you again. I am back for factory visit!
Chinese Sales Rep: Hi, welcome you to office again! You are look much fatter than last time! Every time, fatter and fatter!
Visiting European account manager: …yes…well…really…
188 Dong Cheng Da Dao
Dong Guan, China
I'll Do My Best to Live Up to That. Now
Boss: You're out smoking again? I thought you were quitting?
Assistant: I start taking the Chantix tomorrow morning, smoke for a week and throw the cigarettes away and double the dose.
Boss: Okay, can I give you shit for it?
Assistant: All you want, I'll be a complete bitch and make your life hell.
Boss on intercom: Everyone, you have the next 2 months off: assistant is going to be a bigger bitch than usual.
Fountain Valley, California
And Sometimes a Boob-Squeeze As a Holiday Bonus
Cashier to saleswoman holding a box of sweets: Hey! Why didn't I get a box of sweets?
Saleswoman: Because your title isn't “manager”. He gets a hug, and maybe a little pinch on the tushy.
Bedford, New York
Overheard by: Black Friday Shopper
Why the Germans Were Lost When the Berlin Wall Came Down
Boss #1: Most of our people in philanthropy are on coke… They get the work done, but the meetings are like coke conventions.
Boss #2: I had an ex-girlfriend who was always on a lot of coke. I didn’t know it, though. I thought she just had a lot of energy. Once, when she was really high, I had to throw her against a wall to snap her out of it.
Boss #1: Well, that’s what you have to do sometimes.
Miami, Florida
For Those Who Feel Bad about Quitting College
Engineer lady: The price of first class stamps is now 41 cents!
Engineer guy: If they made them in China, they’d be a lot cheaper.
3003 West Casino Road
Everett, Washington
I Mean, How Much Tooth Enamel Do I Need?
Secretary #1: You know, purging…it's gross, but it works.
Secretary #2: Yeah, and it only takes a few weeks to work.
Secretary #3: Whatever it takes, I guess.
Atlanta, Georgia
You Just Want to See My Ore-O-Face
Coworker, discussing mint Oreos: I stuffed four of them in this morning.
Boss: Can you stuff six?
Coworker: I don't know. Maybe not at once.
Baltimore, Maryland
11AM System Implementation Meeting
Boss: It’s not so much fast-paced as it is boring.
2700 Westchester Avenue
Purchase, New York