That and the Tragic Banana Allergy

Coworker #1 to coworker #2, wearing a cast: What did you do to your hand?
Coworker #2: I broke my thumb.
Coworker #1: You need your thumb. That's what makes you not a monkey!

Titusville, Florida

Overheard by: Hoss

Stupid Twenty-First Century

Suit #1: The RFA for the 'o'9-'o'10 year are…
Suit #2: “O'9-'o'10?” You mean “'o'9-10.”
Suit #1: There is another zero in 2010.
Boss: Yeah, 'o'9-10'o'!
Suit #1 & #2: “10'o”?!
Boss: What? Isn't that right?
Suit #2: No, he meant double 'o'9 and 'o'10.
Suit #1: I hate my life.

Lincoln, Nebraska

Overheard by:

And Suddenly the Judge Is Telling Me I'm in Contempt?

Attorney: Seamen. (employees chuckle in their cubicles). I just want to say the name.

Wall Street
New York City, New York

Translation: You Are Mine, to Use and Abuse As I See Fit

Professor: So we'll have lab meeting on Monday, then.
Grad student: Um, that's Labor Day, so people will probably be away.
Professor: Away? Why?
Grad student: Because it's a federal holiday?
Professor: Well, we're not federal, so we don't take federal holidays.

Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat

Suzy Goes Predator-Trolling to Amuse Herself

Eight-year-old girl running up to her mother in line: I’m 13, and you don’t know me!

JC Penney
Eugene, Oregon

There Are Used Vibrators on EBay (Don't Ask How We Know)

Guy: Me and the wife are going out this weekend. You think you could hook me up with…uhh, some happy fun time shit?
Girl: Are you serious? I don't think I have anything you'd like. How do you know what your wife wants?
Guy: What the fuck? She wants weed, end of story!
Girl: Oh, shit! I thought you were talking about sex toys!
Guy: Why the fuck would I ask to borrow someone else's sex toys?
Girl: I…uh…
Guy (smirking): So you have sex toys, huh? What kind?
Girl: Shut up!

Centennial, Colorado

Overheard by: Trouble