Male peon to another: Now I have to go and wash my butt, and that’s no fun!

1176 Crooks Road
Troy, Michigan

Office girl #1: White chocolate is such a sham. They take out the best part.
Office girl #2: The brown?

Southlake, Texas

Bimbette #1: We are so lucky we can’t have forest fires here in Georgia.
Teacher: Forest fires can happen anywhere.
Bimbette #2: Nah, you gotta be closer to the equator than Georgia.

123 Broad Street
Dacula, Georgia

Overheard by: smokey the bear

Waitress #1: I can’t tuck this corner. I suck at folding napkins.
Waitress #2: We should just make a monopoly line with this.
Waitress #1: [Stares blankly.]Waitress #2: You know, a monopoly line? I’ll start it, you finish it. We’ll get this done faster.

34 Cooper Square
New York, New York

Clinician: Can you call the ER to tell them that this patient cannot be moved due to an infection?
Admin assistant, looking at chart: How did he get it in his butt?!

Varnum Avenue
Lowell, Massachusetts

Female TA: When I went upstairs I saw this cake being thrown across the room.
Male TA: A cake?
Female TA: Yeah, Sue* thought they were throwing it at her.
Male TA: If I had a cake, I’d probably throw it at Sue… But then, that’s the kind of guy I am.
Female TA: No, it’s the type of woman Sue is. It’s impossible not to throw cake at her!

Bexhill College
England

Overheard by: I educate your kids…

Little boy to mom: You know what I like to suck?

Clothing store, Polaris Mall
Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Ohgodmustn’tsayanything

Chick on cell: So, I’m clearing room in the back for more stock, and those fuckers have a case of beer back there…

Mall
Burnaby, British Columbia
Canadia

Overheard by: Christmas shopper wanted to know what store she works at…

Temp at day’s end finding her car’s been running since lunch: Oh, my! I must have forgotten again!

Sweeten Creek Road
Asheville, North Carolina

European boss: Okay, James* — make reservations for us at the Mayflower.
American lab member #1: What? The Mayflower?
European boss: Yes, isn’t that what we decided?
American lab member #1: You mean the Wildflower?
European boss: Yeah, the Mayflower.
American lab member #2: The Wildflower, not the Mayflower.
European boss: Right, right. Wait… What is the Mayflower? Oh, yeah, that boat.

Clinical Sciences research building
St. Louis, Missouri