Manager to self, while cleaning store’s sign: Scrubbing the N, I’m scrubbing the N… Cleaning a T, I clean the T, that’s right… Scrubbing the A, I’m scrubbing the A… [Reaches through the center hole of the A.] Scrubbing the A-hole, cleaning out the A-hole… Wait…

Valley View Mall
Roanoke, Virginia

Overheard by: Amused newbie

Cube rat on phone: They’re cheap and easy.

9744 Forest Lane
Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Renee

New girl: I’m excited about the new direction of the company!
Boss: Um, we try to avoid saying ‘new direction’ around here.

Bellevue, Washington

Overheard by: Amused coworker

Worker bee: So, there are seven categories, and each category has seven sections. Seven times seven is… a lot.

Mercer Street and Fairview Avenue
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: passed 3rd grade math

Supervisor: You were loud.
Underling: We were just talking.
Supervisor: You were screaming.
Underling: Well, we always scream.

550 Madison Avenue
New York, New York

Cube rat on phone: Yeah, last year I did about 75 kids, and I’m hoping to do more this year.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Newbie: Are you Chinese or Japanese?
Korean working the register: What?! Japanese are rich, ignorant fools, and Chinese are murderous barbarians. I am Korean!
Newbie: Oh. I never knew that…

Korean deli, 1700 Research Boulevard
Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Septimus

Girl on cell: I totally need to go to a doctor. I think I have that imitation bowel syndrome!

Office
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Jason Carr

Coworker #1: Did you drive or take the train today?
Coworker #2: Train.
Coworker #1: What time are you leaving?
Coworker #2: I don’t know…
Coworker #1: Oh, I think I’m leaving before that.

Office building, 47th Street and 6th Avenue
New York, New York

Woman on cell: … So now instead of going to the funeral we’re going to the strawberry festival.

Indiana government center
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Mmm… strawberries