HR girl: Have you looked at that guy’s resume?
HR guy: Yeah, but I’m a little concerned about his spermatic work history.
HR girl: … Sporadic?
HR guy: Yeah. My bad.
Terrell, Texas
Overheard by: HR girl 2
If Only He Wouldn’t Make Major Adjustments in My Face
Foxy lady #1: My boss smells like he hasn’t bathed in a month. He smells like his private parts!
Foxy lady #2: Gross like a huge unbathed dick.
Foxy lady #1: Yeah.
The Bronx
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Banana Forest Thief
1PM Lunch
Worker #1: The pollen is so bad, this morning I coughed up a flower.
Worker #2: Oh my god, are you serious?
Worker #1: Uh…no.
6355 MetroWest Boulevard
Orlando, Florida
The Thin Line between Clean and Dirty
Italian musician in broken English: Excuse… Can you… wash… my instrument?
Agent: What?
Italian roadie: He wants to know if you have a cloth to clean his instrument.
Agent: Oh. Oh. Okay. God, I almost just smacked him!
Italian musician: Wash my instrument now?
Vienna
Austria
You May Be Using It Right Now and Not Know It
Boss, giving presentation: Chances are most of you in this room may or may not use this form. (everyone nods)
Helena, Montana
Overheard by: second in command
Probably Wouldn’t Share Her Toothbrush, Either
Bar skank: And she got all pissy at me because I wouldn’t share my sex toys with her.
1760 Camino Del Río North
San Diego, California
Overheard by: not sharing mine either
Is There Anything You Guys Could Do about That?
Concerned mother on phone: My son just informed me that the room deposits are due tomorrow.
Secretary: Yes.
Mother: But I’m in Germany, and if I mailed in the money it would take two weeks.
Secretary: Your son could pay with a debit card or cash.
Mother: I gave him a debit card and he lost it.
Secretary: Uh-huh.
Mother: … My son is a goddamned idiot.
Virginia
Why Do You Say That, Pedro?
Ditzy CSR: Sketchy restaurants have the best burritos.
Busy coworker: Uh-huh.
Ditzy CSR: Because if it's not sketchy, it's not Mexican.
Busy coworker: Yeah… Uh… You should really reconsider your phrasing.
Boston, Massachusetts
You'd Think It Would Say on the Bottle
Office peon: How many of these one-a-day vitamins am I supposed to take every day?
Nashville, Tennessee
Overheard by: You take your time…
Sshh! Here It Comes!
Boss to employee: This person's navel looks abnormally large.
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Ronni