Oh No, My PayPal Account Is Empty! How Will I Pay This Strapping Young IT Guy?

Tech guy: I need to update your microscope software, have you seen the dongle?
Grad student: Um… Excuse me?
Tech guy: I need to plug the dongle in to get access to your machine.
Grad student: Uh… What would… That… Look like?
Tech guy: Oh wait, never mind, I see it. Thanks!
[Tech guy leaves.]Grad student, to undergrad nearby: What the hell was he talking about?
Undergrad: I don’t know, but I feel like we were about ten seconds away from being in a very nerdy porno.

North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat

This Dramatization of the Importance of Negative Numbers is the Grittiest Schoolhouse Rock Yet

CSR: Customer Service, this is Sheri*. May I have your account number please?
Customer: Why is my account negative?!
CSR: Well, if you give me your account number, I can look it up and go over your transactions with you.

Customer gives information, CSR verifies, and the conversation continues.

CSR: Well, ma’am, looks like your opening deposit on Tuesday was 25 dollars… And then you withdrew 40 dollars from the ATM on Friday.
Customer: And…?
CSR: Well, 25 dollars minus 40 dollars is negative 15 dollars.
Customer: I don’t understand what you are trying to tell me.

Minneapolis, Minnesota

He Just Doesn’t Have the Underwearwithal

Woman: I haven’t talked to Henry* in a week. I’m through with him.
Man: Why? What happened?
Woman: He’s sooo selfish. He took the last t-shirt out of my drawer and wore it.
Man: That’s it? Dumped him over a t-shirt?
Woman: I texted him and told him we’re through.
Man: Wow. Dumped over a Hanes.
Woman: Yep. Infidelity I forgave, but don’t take my last goddamned t-shirt out of my fuckin’ drawer. Selfish!

45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Hold on a Sec–Can You Order Me a Pizza?

Radiologist receptionist to dermatology patient with the wrong number: I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong number. Dr. Green's office is just down the hall; the extension is 1234. You're welcome. Buh-bye.
(pause, then answers again)
Receptionist: No, you've got the wrong extension again. Dr. Green is at 1234. It's no problem. You're welcome. Buh-bye.
(pause, then answers again)
Receptionist: Good morning. (pause) Of course, hold on just one moment, please. (dials extension #1234) Hi, I'm calling to confirm Mrs Brown's appointment to have her hairy mole removed. 11:30 am? Thank you so much. (on the other line) The doctor will see you at 11:30 tomorrow morning. Yes ma'am, buh-bye now.

Norwalk, Connecticut

Overheard by: EmLo

You Say They Have Computers That Do That Now? Here, I’ll Give You a Push

Male employee: Oh, I’m sorry. I could’ve scared you and you could’ve fallen.
Female employee sitting in an open, screenless window: That’s okay, you didn’t scare me.
Male employee: You look like you’re going to jump. Please don’t jump out the window. We really need someone to answer the phones.

98th Street and West End
New York, New York

Overheard by: adrienne