Free Will in the Delivery Room

Coworker, about a newborn: Then her husband cut the Biblical cord…

171 17th Street NW
Atlanta, Georgia

Guy coworker: So I know after they’ve wiped out the rest of my truck, these thieves are thinking, “We can even steal these $3 sunglasses and pawn them for at least a portion of a rock!“
Girl coworker: Rocks are free, dumbass!

Lewisville, Texas

Overheard by: entertained by others’ ignorance

Admin: Do you need help with anything?
Engineer: Nobody ever asks that here. What are you up to?

Anchorage, Alaska

Overheard by: Overworked

Co‐worker: Hey [Trish], can you come here a sec?
Office Manager: Yeah, where are you?
Co‐worker: I’m in the closet.

155 6th Avenue
New York, NY

Teacher #1: What are they raising all this money for?
Teacher #2: For this lady in the cleaning crew. Apparently, her purse was stolen and she lost nine hundred bucks that she was planning to send home to her family in Mexico.
Teacher #1: Where’s my nine hundred bucks? Since I started working here, I lost everything.

444 Pleasantville Road
Briarcliff Manor, New York

Boss, looking at St. Patrick’s parade: Oh, look, it’s the St. Patrick’s parade, I just love Greek food!

Neptune, New Jersey

Overheard by: Karen

Co‐worker #1: Wow! That’s the longest email I’ve ever gotten from a customer.
Co‐worker #2: Really? What is it?
Co‐worker #1: [Kateunderscorelee]
Co‐worker #2: That’s not long…Oh! Um, do you know what an “underscore” is? You don’t spell it out.

1001 Roeder Avenue
Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Chris Shard

Coworker: Crocodiles are carnivores, alligators are vegans.

Jersey City, New Jersey

Middle‐aged coworker to another: So I saw U2 last night… You know, the rock and roll band.

Fairfax, Virginia

Overheard by: Chris

Customer: I want to pay my bill. I know it’s two months overdue, so I
wanted to come and pay it in person.
Customer Service: According to our records they shut off your cable today.
Customer: But they said I had until today to pay the bill.
Customer Service: Well, your cable has been shut off today.
Customer: But today’s not over yet!
Customer Service: It is for you.

11020 Flatlands Avenue
Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Paul