Assistant: How about an update on the report for the database we talked about last week? Have you gotten to that yet?
IT: I’m not sure which one you’re talking about.
Assistant: Well, currently there is a cross-tab that displays home addresses and a cross-tab that displays financial aid, but we need a report to show us the student records by state with home address, and we need a find-sort for all students with financial aid and a hold on their account.
IT guy: …Um, I couldn’t tell where that sentence began and where it ended.
Dean’s assistant: Neither could I.

633 Main Street
Burlington, Vermont

Help Desk #1: Who should we send?
Help Desk #2: Let’s send [Jessica].
Help Desk #3: She’s perfect.
Help Desk #2: Of course, she’s female.
Help Desk #1: Yeah, she’s very female!

123 Pitkin Road
Plainfield, Vermont

Sous chef, passing behind inept intern: Behind you.
(intern backs into him)
Sous chef: Uh, hey…
Intern: I didn't know which direction you were coming from!


Overheard by: I know front from back

EA: …she’s still learning to change a diaper and all that.
Suit: Really?
EA: Yeah, but it’s been extra hard emotionally because our family is really strict and my dad still can’t admit to himself that this happened. All he’s said is, “I sent you to private school! Don’t they have sex ed there?” and “How could this happen?” Which doesn’t help her at all.
Suit: No, probably not.
EA: It’s like, “Dad, the baby is already here, get a grip.” But, well, she’s the baby of the family and I guess we all know how fathers are.
Suit: No, actually, I don’t. I never met mine.

40 IDX Drive
South Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Bubble Wrap THIS

Worker: Can you review this for me?
Manager: Why are you asking me all the time?
Worker: Because you’re my team leader.
Manager: There are no team leaders anymore.
Worker: What? Yes, there are.
Manager: No, there aren’t.
Worker: Well, I asked [Jesse] yesterday, and he said he couldn’t do it because he wasn’t my team leader. Why would he say that if there aren’t team leaders anymore?
Manager: Because he didn’t want to do your review.

137 Iroquois Avenue
Essex Junction, Vermont

Coworker on phone: Well, we do have backdoor service, but it's more expensive than our other services.

West Rutland, Vermont

Cigarette-smoking chick #1: Wow, you sucked that down fast!
Cigarette-smoking chick #2: Yeah, I wanted it real bad!

Montpelier, Vermont

Overheard by: I know the feeling..

Computer tech, trying to remove picture of very well endowed naked man off computer: Well, I don't know how to get him off.


Coworker #1: With all the rain we've been getting, I bet the streams are running full.
Coworker #2: That depends on how much beaver action there's been. (pause) Did I seriously just say that?

Colchester, Vermont

Overheard by: hddesc

Coworker to another, looking at tea in her cup: I think this has caffeine in it, it's called “Wake Up.”

Montpelier, Vermont

Overheard by: tam