Sketchy guy in lunchroom, sitting down at table with lone coworker: I'll sit here with you. Y'know, I'm probably the only guy in the building who likes you.

Burlington, Vermont

Managing editor to editor: The healthy one fell into the river, and the dead one scraped the side of the house.

Bennington, Vermont

Overheard by: proscriptus

Customer: You really should read The Man in the High Castle. it's a great book, one of Philip K. Dick's best.
Barista: I'll have to read it. I'm a big Dick fan.

Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Isotope Feeney

Health inspector to commissioner: So you might be getting a call from this lady about making burgers out of beaver meat.
Secretary to health inspector: Have you ever eaten beaver?
Commissioner, as she walks away: You people can discuss this…

Department of Health
Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: Alfie

Vet on phone: He’s a little groggy now, but he should be one-eyed and bushy-tailed tomorrow morning.

Route 5
Norwich, Vermont

Overheard by: has two-eyed cats

Office grunt on phone: I absolutely agree… with myself!

1 Howard Street
Burlington, Vermont

Worker bee: As a child — as an infant — I was a projectile vomiter. Laying on my back, I could hit the ceiling! It’s too bad I can’t do that now.

402 Watertower Circle
Colchester, Vermont

Overheard by: Bastian

Student: If I put more stamps on it, will it go faster? My sister’s birthday is tomorrow.

Middlebury College Mail Center
Middlebury, Vermont

Overheard by: Disgruntled Mail Worker

Woman: … And then he bit my nipple so hard it started to bleed.

Burlington, Vermont

Overheard by: not a deaf waitress