GM: So, how are you doing?
Clerk: Well, I was almost fired today, so, you know, I’ve been crying a lot.
GM: You know what? You should really be having fun out here! Try to have a little fun out here!
Clerk: [Blinks.]GM: Okay! Now I have to go coach Little League!
Howe Street
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Angry manager: … And you are in no way the Leah* you should be! Do I make myself clear?!
Tearful employee: … Yes.
Angry manager: Are you always like this?
Tearful employee: No, I usually respond well to criticism, it’s just–
Angry manager: –It’s not criticism, it’s feedback!
Pride Park, Derby
United Kingdom
Overheard by: Glad I work in another department
Restaurant manager shooing out two vagrants: Guys, you’ll have to leave. Go on.
Vagrant #1: How long you been in the klan?
Restaurant manager, taken aback: Actually, I’m Catholic and the klan is very anti-Catholic.
Vagrant #2: No. No! They were Catholics!
Restaurant manager: You’re wrong. Class dismissed. Now get your ass out of here or I’ll have the dish washers put you two motherfuckers in the trash compactor, ass-to-mouth.
Vagrant #1: You a bad Catholic!
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Manager: Are you going to keep filing those signatures today?
Intern: Yes, unless you have something more exciting for me to do.
Manager: Oh, here, I have some death certificates you could file.
Athens, Ohio
Overheard by: Yeah, that’s much better
Manager: You’ve already lied to me twice tonight!
Waiter, louder: But I didn’t know you knew I was lying!
Haynes Bridge Road
Alpharetta, Georgia
CEO at company-wide meeting: You have to understand — we are a relatively young company, and we are in Helen Keller mode right now.
13500 Heritage Parkway
Fort Worth, Texas
Action officer: It’s just not the most important undertaking we have, so I’m not going to kill myself to get it done.
Admin assistant: I disagree. I always think you should kill yourself.
Pentagon, 1490 Boundary Channel Drive
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Propagandist
Boss to new receptionist: These are some of the noises I make that will annoy you. This is my mouse clicking. This is me kicking the desk in front of me. This is my chair squeaking. Oh, and sometimes I just say ‘shit,’ like I have Tourette’s.
Receptionist: Okay… [They go back to work.]Boss: Shit.
200 West 16th St
New York, New York
Nurse to aide: You have a picture of a dick on your phone and you don’t know who’s it is?
Wayne Woodlands Manor, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: queen eileen
Assistant: I made the reservations for you. Give me a minute and I’ll get you the ballistics.
Boss: Ballistics?
Assistant: Yeah, the ballistics — your flight arrangements and your hotel confirmation. You know, the ballistics!
39th Street and 8th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: I can’t believe I hired her
