Manager: You’ve already lied to me twice tonight!
Waiter, louder: But I didn’t know you knew I was lying!
Haynes Bridge Road
Alpharetta, Georgia
Manager: You’ve already lied to me twice tonight!
Waiter, louder: But I didn’t know you knew I was lying!
Haynes Bridge Road
Alpharetta, Georgia
CEO at company-wide meeting: You have to understand — we are a relatively young company, and we are in Helen Keller mode right now.
13500 Heritage Parkway
Fort Worth, Texas
Action officer: It’s just not the most important undertaking we have, so I’m not going to kill myself to get it done.
Admin assistant: I disagree. I always think you should kill yourself.
Pentagon, 1490 Boundary Channel Drive
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Propagandist
Boss to new receptionist: These are some of the noises I make that will annoy you. This is my mouse clicking. This is me kicking the desk in front of me. This is my chair squeaking. Oh, and sometimes I just say ‘shit,’ like I have Tourette’s.
Receptionist: Okay… [They go back to work.]Boss: Shit.
200 West 16th St
New York, New York
Nurse to aide: You have a picture of a dick on your phone and you don’t know who’s it is?
Wayne Woodlands Manor, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: queen eileen
Assistant: I made the reservations for you. Give me a minute and I’ll get you the ballistics.
Boss: Ballistics?
Assistant: Yeah, the ballistics — your flight arrangements and your hotel confirmation. You know, the ballistics!
39th Street and 8th Avenue
New York, New York
Overheard by: I can’t believe I hired her
Boss to late employee: Where have you been?
Blonde: Hi.
Boss: You look like shit today.
Blonde: Maybe that’s because I was up all night fucking!
Midtown
New York, New York
Overheard by: Jonny Z
Employee: There’s someone parked out back in my parking space.
Manager: I hate when that happens. Years ago this woman used to park in my spot all the time… She’s dead now.
Birmingham Street
Halifax, Nova Scotia
Canadia
Training manager: So, how’s everything going?
New admin: Fine. Just fine.
Training manager: Are you sure? Do you need anything? Something I can help you with?
New admin: I’m sure. No, really, everything’s fine. I’m fine… I’m just going to, uh, run out to my car for a second. To, uh, grab a bottle of water. I’ll be right back [gets her things and leaves the office, never returns].
Training manager: Wow. Was it something I said?
Assistant: No, I think it was the fact that you kept staring at her boobs.
Training manager: Oh. Right.
East Gude Drive
Rockville, Maryland
Overheard by: the fly on the wall
Office girl with flower arrangement: Look! Look what I got!
Office manager: Wow! Where did you get those from?
Office girl: The girls that helped me chair the dinner. Oh! Look, [gushing as she reads the card], ‘From two bitches to the biggest bitch we know!’ Oh! How sweet!
Office manager: That is just so sweet of them!
Girl and manager, together: Awww!
Hanford, California
Overheard by: not one of her bitches
