Attorney: Okay, I’m leaving to catch my train now — it’s Rosh Hashanah.
Receptionist: Wow! You’re a Jew, too? There are so many of you people in this office!
Big law firm
New York, New York
Attorney: Okay, I’m leaving to catch my train now — it’s Rosh Hashanah.
Receptionist: Wow! You’re a Jew, too? There are so many of you people in this office!
Big law firm
New York, New York
Boss’s wife: Is he talking about having a harem again?
3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
Manager to room of trainees for upcoming audit: Today’s training has been cancelled, because I have something better to do.
Research Triangle Park, North Carolina
Overheard by: Elementary Geek
Manager: We really need some good ideas that senior management can throw darts at.
Underling: Hmmm…
Manager: Yeah, they don’t know what they want, but they’ll know when they see it. Then they’ll have something to throw darts at.
San Diego, California
Manager: Man, you guys from Alabama are hard-core putting someone getting the chair on the back of your quarter.
Boss from Alabama: That’s not someone getting the chair — that’s Helen Keller!
Manager: You guys electrocuted Helen Keller?!
Campus Point Drive
San Diego, California
Information technology director to management team: You know me – I’m not real technological.
125 S Congress Street
Jackson, Mississippi
Lawyer to secretary: Now, you treat my sex offender nicely. He’ll be here with his one-armed wife later.
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: Alex
Manager: I have a bunch of file folders. Can you sort them by color?
Assistant: Sure.
Manager: They’re in the back.
Assistant, returning with folders: These are all green.
Manager: Well, they’re different shades of green.
Assistant: Not really. It’s just that some are more faded than others.
Manager: I just think it would look nice if you sorted them into a pile of folders with straight greens and a pile with more of a spongy print. Are you okay with that?
Assistant: Sure. [To herself] There’s a lot of reasons why I don’t quit smoking.
North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland
Male employee: I want you to know, Cindy* will be complaining to you about something I said to her. It’s all a lie, though.
Manager #1: Oookay…
Male employee: She’s gonna say I called her a ‘dirty fucking cunt.’
Manager #2: Ohhh, boy…
Male employee: But it’s bullshit. I called her a ‘dirty fucking bitch.’ I don’t use the ‘C’-word.
Circle Centre Mall
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Shatmandu
Coworker over intercom: It’s been brought to our attention that there is a downed power line in the courtyard. Please avoid it when walking between buildings. [Five minutes later] An addendum to the last message: Please avoid walking between buildings if possible. [Five minutes more, fire alarm going off] Okay everyone, we’re going to evacuate Building One*. Everyone please calmly make your way to Building Two*.
Boss screaming in background: No, no! The other door! Not that way!
5600 Main Street
Kansas City, Missouri
Overheard by: Someone in the other building…
