Dumb Customers

By the Way, Is Our Refrigerator Running?

Customer on phone: How much is two hundred dollars worth of oil?
Worker bee: 75 gallons.
Customer: No, I said how much is two hundred dollars worth of oil?
Worker bee: Ma’am, two hundred dollars will buy you 75 gallons.
Customer, exasperated: No, no, no! How much. Is two hundred dollars. Worth of oil?
Worker bee, confused now: Um… Two hundred dollars?
Customer: That’s what I was askin’ you! Jesus! [Hangs up.]Worker bee: Did she just call up to ask me whether two hundred dollars is worth two hundred dollars?

Newark, New Jersey

Overheard by: Gypsy

And What about the Lady Who Told Me It Would Be 2,880 Minutes?

CSR: Yes, if you do your payment online it can take two business days to post.
Customer: The other person told me 48 hours! Which one is it? I’m always given different information!

411 Smithfield Street
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: mrswackado

Filed in the Necrophiliac Section? Incompetent Bastards.

Chick: What is this, pedophile music?

Munkegata, Oslo
Norway

Last Month This Big Girl Sat on My Head

Stylist: How do you want your hair?
Customer: Short on the sides and blended with no weight line. I don’t want to look like a circumcised penis.

Great Clips
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Yeah – one is enough

US Falls to Last Place in Math Internationally

Guest: I want some popcorn shrimp.
Waitress: Do you want a half pound or three-quarter pound?
Guest: I’ll have the half pound. It’s bigger, so we can share.

206 West Franklin Street
Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Overheard by: HazyJay

The Problem with Pre-Programmed Social Banalities

Telephone salesperson: May I please speak to Eric Smith*?
Receptionist: He doesn’t work here any more, can I take a message?
Telephone salesperson: No, that’s okay, I’ll call him back.

1270 Broadway
New York, New York

Overheard by: Brian

Only Under the Table

Customer: Do you sell cheeseburgers?

Jewelry store
Sydney
Australia

And Not All of Our Patrons Can Read

Diner: Why is it that whenever ‘sour cream’ appears on your menu, it has an asterisk beside it?
Waiter, condescendingly: Because those dishes have sour cream in them.

800 Block, Rockville Pike
Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Doctor Whom

I Think I Agree, but I Don’t Care for Your Tone

50-ish woman #1: I had this fish for lunch, and it was sooo salty!
50-ish woman #2: Was it? Well, it is from the ocean, you know.
50-ish woman #1: No, it was seasoned with too much salt.
50-ish woman #2: It doesn’t even have to be seasoned! It’s from the ocean!

Elevator, 16th Street and JFK Boulevard
New York, New York

The Same Secret Shopper Works for Hallmark

Employee: Thank you for calling Jimmy’s Pizza.
Customer: Hi, yes, do you serve pizza there?
Employee: … Uhhh, yeah… Yes, we do.

4th Street
Albany, Minnesota

Overheard by: Keira

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